an old story of mine

My precious Mother,
Have you given your child unreservedly
to the Lord for whatever He wills?..
Oh, may He strengthen you to say “Yes”
to Him if He asks something which costs.
Darling mother, for a long time as you know
the thought of those dying in the dark –
Fifty thousand of them every day
while we at home live in the midst of blazing light –
has been very present with me,
and the longing to go to them,
and tell them of Jesus, has been strong upon me.
Everything, everything seemed to be saying “Go,”
Through all the sounds the cry seemed to rise,
“Come over and help us.” Every bit of pleasure or
work which has come to me, has had underlying it
the thought of these people who have never,
never heard of Jesus…

But home claims seemed to say “Stay,”
and I thought it was His Will; it was perhaps,
until yesterday. I cant explain it, but lately the
need seems to have come closer, and I wrote
down a few days ago, just to have it in
black and white, why I am not going

Your need of me, my Mother
The great loneliness it would
mean to my second Father.
The thought that by staying I might make
it easier for others to go if He called.
My not being strong.


But… yesterday... I went to my room and just asked
the Lord what it all meant, what did He wish me to do,
and, mother, as clearly as I ever heard you speak,
I heard Him say “GO YE”

Several days later Amy received her mother’s answer:

Darling, when He asks you now to go away
from within my reach, can I say nay?
No, no, Amy; He is yours – you are His –
to take you where He pleases and to
use you as He pleases. I can trust you to Him,
and I do

Can I comprehend what Amy is trying to tell her mother? I do, I do understand completely. When I was 15 years old after my personal conversion with the Lord, I am filled with passion for Christ and compassion for the lost, a great burden which I know it came straight from the Lord’s heart. I am overwhelmed with Christ love until one day I approached my mother and told her my desire to serve the Lord unreservedly and even to the point of dying for Him and His gospel if it’s necessary. To reach the unloved, the lost, the street kids to give them hope and a future instead of being the victim of human trafficking, the unreached people group. I even want to help persecuted churches. Well her respond was a bit discouraging. She looked at me and asked me gently “are you crazy?” …I was struck by her answer and I went inside my room and really think a deep thought of what I have spoken, i asked God to examined my heart and asked myself am i willing?.

I remember when my sister shared about the street kids in the city where she lived. One day she was passing by when a Father from a catholic church came by and gave them food to eat, as the Catholic priest sat on the street he was talking to a boy and what really touched my heart is when my sister saw the boy shed a tear, maybe the priest asked him about his family or maybe he’s encouraging the boy, I’m not really sure.

But that very account ignite my passion to someday go back to my “hometown” (though I was not born there but I left my heart there) and do exactly what Amy Carmichael has in her heart when she was a teenager…

When I grow up and money have,
I know what I will do,
I’ll build a great big lovely place
For little girls like you. –Amy

it's been 5 years now since the day the Lord spoke to my heart to build a "great big, lovely place" for the street kids, the least that I can do is to pray for them, many times I had sleepless night knowing that there are kids dying in the dark without Christ, sometimes I can hear their cry and it was almost as if real that I can feel their agony deep within me, knowing that they are abandon by families and friends and in their stricken soul the necessity of a Savior is needed.

As for my mum’s question, I’ll conclude that yes, I am crazy indeed. Crazy for Christ, in fact weeks before she passed away she told one of our family friends that she don’t want any man to become a hindrance for us to keep serving the Lord, she want us to fulfill what God has called us to do.

I don’t know how and when I will start to build a " great big lovely place" for these lovely street kids, there are times where i doubt God and His promises but the Holy Spirit always reminded and comforted me that it was GOd who put this vision in me, He has started it He will also finished it. He will bring it to pass in His time, “He has made everything beautiful in His time” Ecclesiastes 3. As I wait patiently and rely in His mighty hand I will continue to serve here faithfully where I’m currently staying until the day where He will “gather me out of the nations where He sent me and will bring me home again to my own land.”" Jeremiah 29