i love to write though my english is not that OK...hahhaa..but who cares!..hehehhe... i just finished my journal and wanted to buy a new one...i just dont have time to choose right now...but anyways, here some of my journal..since 2005 and present... actually there are more but i dont know where's the rest...hehhee...i manage to find these 3. Writing is something im passionate about but one thing that i hate about myself is, i always, always write/do things halfway...always..sometimes i have to kick my butt, froced myself to finish what i have started. hehee...it's one way also for me to release my stress, anger, dissapointments, excitements and others...i have to say, though i have my own blog i do still write in my journal constantly...it holds my deepest secret, desire and thoughts only me and GOd knows it..hehhee...
Thursday, October 29, 2009
journal...
Friday, October 23, 2009
Let the tears flow...
Mrs. Kwan said apologetically, “she doesn’t want to see anybody; she’s been in her room the whole day.” “I know, I understand.” Said the Pastor “But I do want to see her”
“It’s ok mum”, Julie said, appearing at the doorway by keeping her distance, not looking in his direction, with her head bowed low.
“You’re okay? Really okay?” he asked.“NO!” and she broke down.
He didn’t want to ask her about her ordeal molested while on her jog.
“I don’t know how to carry on with my life. I can’t even think straight. I’m so ashamed. What will people think? That I’m unclean? Sometimes I feel I want to die…”
The Pastor let Julie continue. He let her cry. He didn’t try to stop her. She shook visibly, and he didn’t do anything. In his mind he encourage her to grieve. He just looked on with sympathy, with understanding and with compassion.After a while there was silence. Nobody spoke.
Then the Pastor said quietly, “it’s ok, just let it out. Cry out to God, Julie. It’s good to cry out. God is compassionate. His Name bring healing.”
Grieving usually goes a full circle. Julie has to come to terms with herself, and get back to life- to see living as worthwhile. Time heals almost everything. Grieving is our natural way of reacting to a tragic event, a loss or the pain in our lives. It is unnatural not to grieve and if we feel like crying, we should let the tears flow.
In quietude Julie can pray, knowing that “The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saved those who are crushed in spirit.”
The Jews know what it means to grieve. They went through the holocaust were millions were put to death. They find strength in their ancient wisdom,
“The falls of life provide us with energy to propel ourselves to a higher level…”
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( i found this somewhere, i remember writing this poem in a card for a family that suffer loss and i never thought that this same poem will come back to me few years later)
He only takes the best
God saw she was getting tired
And a cure was not to be.
So He put His arms around her
And whispered, “Come home with me”.
With tear filled eyes we watch her
Suffer and fade away.
Although we loved her deeply,
We could not make her stay.
A golden heart stops beating,
Hard working hands put to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove us
He only takes the best
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something from my heart...
It’s been 84 days since the day she’s gone,Funny, sometimes i felt that she's around, that my mom just went for her monthly medical check up.
There's this one day where i gathered all my strength, went to her room , open her wardrobe and there are few of her clothes left hanging (the rest we have given away),re-calling the bones of yesterday..i touched it and somehow i felt she's near but reality slap me in the face knowing she's gone for good.Let the tears flow, i told myself and i did…taking my time to grieve in that room and I can feel God’s presence knowing that
Psalm 34:18 (NLT)18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.
We can never comprehend one’s sorrow until we walk through the same road.I never thought that God will use this painful moment to bring me to a place of deeper intimacy with Him
(a place where i never been in my walk with God but it's a place where i always want to be)..though I’ve lost someone that is dear to my heart but I gained something more priceless that is having this privilege to know MORE of God personally in the lowest point of my life…
And you know what’s amazing about my God?Have you ever thought where would all the tears that you have shed gone, while grieving?
Psalm 56:8 (NLT)8 You keep track of all my sorrows.[a]You have collected all my tears in your bottle.You have recorded each one in your book.
Jesus never promised life would be easy especially when you decided to walk with Him, but He did promised this to all who follow Him
Matthew 28:20 (Amplified)…. and behold, I am with you all the days (perpetually, uniformly, and on every occasion), to the [very] close and consummation of the age…
though death has tarnish part of my life story but it will not remain that way forever because God will surely make something good out of it. there are time for everything under heaven, right?
Ecclesiastes 3 (NLT)
A Time for Everything
1 For everything there is a season,a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.A time for war and a time for peace.
11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart…
hhhmmmm :)...looking back, i can say that through it all GOD has been FAITHFUL to me and my family...
Wednesday, October 14, 2009
two things..
There are 2 things that the Lord has
spoken to me personally, lately.
First it’s about intimacy…the Lord expose the truth and brought me into a place of intimacy.
I thought I knew the Lord well but there are so many things I didn’t know or understand much of His Nature, personal being and His character
Second, a heart for the poor, widows, prisoners, oppressed and those who are in need and afflicted.
A great man of God says this; if you have passion for Christ automatically you’ll have compassion for other/the lost. This two comes in a package, inseparable…
Past few months I was so excited and overwhelmed with what I’ve been experiencing
(mostly because of this intimacy with God that I experienced)
and I cant wait to DO something for God, hehehe..
I was moved to tell my leaders and people who are in-charge that I am free and available to do anything or in other word, to serve in ministry... the leaders were pretty excited but then nothing happened ..hahhaa.
It’s not their fault anyways...it was funny, I have to say but at that time I asked God, “Lord, it seems like nothing is moving, everything’s freeze” I’m trying to understand what God is trying to say in this situation.
Day and night my heart cries out “I want to know You more”…without rest, my whole being seems to wear me off with this cry… “I want more of God, I want to know more of God”… so finally I gave up and listen to what my soul been craving for instead of what I want to do… it’s just simple…I WANT TO KNOW GOD!... that’s it…
why?...because for the past few months, my soul has tasted eternity, my soul has reach this point where she has kissed the Spirit of God and after being filled and satisfied, as usual, the flesh try to drag and distract me back…
and it was like yesterday that I laughed at myself and smile at God,, “I get it Lord, now I get it’
He just want me to sit still, do nothing at this moment and just get to know Him, MORE..MORE…
it’s been tremendous this past few months knowing God personally, I mean it’s so cool that God Himself gave you the understanding to know HIS true self… Mary chose the best part that is to sit still on Jesus’ feet. I thought I knew it all of who my God is, many times I felt I want to explode with this joy of knowing Him…hehehhe.. seriously and people noticed that I’m in constant joy:)hehehe... I was satisfied and fail to remind myself that My GOD is bigger than this, there is more to what I’ve been receiving from Him, that He is more beautiful than I can imagine, and actually it will take me a lifetime to know Him, it’s a journey…
Paul washer said this “everyone wants to do something, it’s not about doing something, it’s about being something, being conform into the image of Christ, someone who lives in the presence of God”
I’m used to DO something for God since I was 14, running here and there, do this do that. There are times for everything right? A time to be busy, a time to keep quiet..hehehe.. maybe some may not agree with what I’ve written (just guessing)hehehe…
but at this point I am fully convinced and persuaded that this is what I’m going to do..
To pull myself out from every unnecessary task and devote myself in knowing this Uncreated Deity, The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. To BE STILL and KNOW that HE is GOD...
Psalm 27:4…(Amplified Bible)
4One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty [the sweet attractiveness and the delightful loveliness] of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple.(A
8You have said, Seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need]. My heart says to You, Your face (Your presence), Lord, will I seek, inquire for, and require [of necessity and on the authority of Your Word].
In NLT version
4 The one thing I ask of the Lord— the thing I seek most— is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple.
8 My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”
After reading this scripture in my working place, I went to the toilet and cried; this is what I’ve been yearning for, HIM…
I don’t want to be a person who serves a God I don’t even know… that’s sad I have to say… i, personally believe that in order for us, christian to bring an impact to this world is to touch the heart of God, not just touch but soak ourself in His Word and in prayer.what's the use of running around like Martha when Jesus said Mary chose the best part…
Hosea 4:6a (NLT)
6 My people are being destroyed because they don’t know me.
Sunday, October 4, 2009
Friday, October 2, 2009
is there mercy?
is there mercy for us?...is there mercy for us O God?
as my people brace themselves for another typhoon that is coming up,
(they expected tonight)
im asking you Lord, is there mercy for us?
when i heard the news that another typhoon is going to hit phillipine,
it broke my heart, though i was not born and grew up in that place but i was burdened to pray for my people, my blood..
is there mercy for us?..i know we have sinned against you Lord, over and over and over again, we missused Nour Name, Blesphemed Your Name, we brought lower the standard of Jesus,
with bribery, sexual immorality, idolatry, gossiping, oppressing the poor and shut our ears to the cries of the needy and lost.
my toungue is numb and im speechless, but Lord, you are the God who keeps your promises.
from generation to generation. I am here God, praying for my people, and when you hear, FORGIVE... and pardon this land.
After hearing this news i went straight to my room and cry for mercy, who knows that God might change His mind. This morning i read an article concerning this topic and i read all the comments made by filipinos, one catches my attention "if we believe miracle will happen", i agree to some extent but also, it is written in His word that when we sin against Him He will not hear our prayer, our sins become the stumbling block.
Stir the hearts of your saints in every area in the phillipines to stand in the gap, interceeding for this land that there'll be no more death and destruction instead repentance.
2Chronicles 7:13
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.
where death is present, life will abound...life will abound...
http://www.christianpost.com/article/20091002/aid-agencies-standby-as-filipinos-brace-another-typhoon/index.html
