happy birthday...

happy brithday mang, though you've gone for good just want you to know you're in my thoughts constantly...i miss you so much...love you...

much love,
your daughter

news...

i've made a new blog account last week and am ready to jump over the other side and wont be putting any update over here, thanks to those who follow..thanks:)..and im going to leave this one just like this:)...God bless:)

....

i was reading the heartcry magazines and came to a story of a leper from amazon who preached the Gospel and brought many souls to Christ till the day he went to be with the Lord. Lord i want to read and memorize Your word as if im going to be blind soon like the simple man in amazon who was used by a Great God:)....

....

"A relationship with JESUS is the one thing that make sense when nothing else do"
Spoken by a widow of a pastor who was shot to death

tadaaaa!!!

i just recieved another call and guess what?...i can smell another trouble is coming...hehehhe...seriously...it's coming...just wait and see...man, this whole situation becomes more and more complicated and funny...yes funny...we'll just wait and see....

His love endures forever....

This morning the Lord awaken me with this psalm 136...
the whole chapter...actually im not really enjoying every moment of my life this past few weeks, it's like a thorn in my flesh and this morning, early in the morning, yes early in the morning, where im not ready to start my day suddenly i recieved a very heart breaking news...God!!!!!!!!!! i need You.....in all these nonsense crazy weeks i always reminded myself this is a character building process...man, if you want GOd to build Your innerman you must be willing for God to break You first...my only comfort in this stressing moment of course the Holy Spirit and the Word of God... whenever i felt like i want to blow up ill quickly search for my Bible and read a portion of it...im not perfect, i make mistake everyday but guess what? His love endures forever for His people... i woke up this morning greeted by God thru psalm 136, i believe it's a love letter from God telling me that first of all He has done great and mighty things in the past and He will and can do the same in this generation to show his glory...i love how the psalmist wrote it...everytime they mentioned the power of God and His mighty acts then the people will echo "His love endures forever"....2nd thing is that i should exalt Him in this hour, that i should sing like the psalmist, to tell my heart and my mind that my God is YHWH, to recall His mighty deeds and sing about His glory, His attributes and so on...ppphhheeewwww!!!...ill praise You in this little storm O my God...

dear Lord...

Lord i need a break..these things make me nuts!...
remind your heart sheila

2 corinthians 12:9
and he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strenght is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will i rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

help me Lord not to sin against You in this crazy moments,
help me to look beyond...
Your grace will pull me through,
Your grace will pull me through....

im thinking...

Lord i dont know if it is your will...i want to stop leading in worship...i dont know why, but i plan after leading this upcoming church dedication i want to stop leading in worship, i want to concentrate on two things that really stirs my heart, two things that really excite me, two things that im passionate about at this moment of my life....
1)prayer and intercession
2)mission, to abound in love and good work
i just dont like to be on stage anymore and there's an urgency in my heart to concentrate on other things, but still i do not want to rush things...i dont want to be moved by my emotions and things that i've seen but i want to be led by Your Spirit...i dont know, sometimes i think that christians have given the younger generation wrong perspective about genuine christianity.... i've seen many youths desire to be on stage, play music and all those stuff...well that's good, nothing wrong with that, we also shouldnt keep the talent God gave us to minister before Him, to bring Him glory through what He has deposited in us BUT if we make it our main purpose in life and ignore God's calling upon our life, ignore the great commision, i think we should think twice...i've seen christians youth fighting with each other just to take the position to be on stage..it's like what?! christians are not meant to be on stage, we have become more like an artist instead of a minister of God... you know, it bothers me when christians are so "syok sendiri" with their thing enclosed in our gated community and soooooo busy with our "christian activities" and don't really have compassion and care about the perishing and didnt take heed what the Lord have commanded us....

Luke 4
the Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach the good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom
for the prisoners and recovery
of sight for the blind,
to released the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

Mark 16:15
and he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the Gospel to every creature. He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved....

though not all of us are called to be in the five fold ministries but we all, christians, are called to be a full time minister of God be it in ou working place, school, campuses market place etc, a love servant for Christ. There is more to being a christian than just standing in the pulpit and being on stage...like i've said before there's one day while praying and worshipping suddenly my interest to be on stage died and my interest for the cross has increased...

i just dont want to put myself too much on stage, i'd rather be on the street, slums (though we dnt really have one)...am i being selfish Lord? Lord if you will for me to still be leading your people than ignite the passion once again, if you want me to move into another field then let this desire fade away and make me concentrate only what you what me to do...

and again i dont want to rush myself..i will wait upon thee...
GOD,LET YOUR WILL BE DONE....

pray

(my heart is troubled lately about something which i do not want to explain more details coz im too lazy to type it all...so ill just spill everything out, everything that's in my mind)
see in the natural, act in the Spiritual!
it talks about prayer, since we christian, we are not fighting against flesh and blood but against the unclean spirit, the evil one and it is not through our flesh and human flesh but through prayer. i have come to a situation where i hate the most but i know i need to go through this stage, whatever it is as long as in the end God gets the glory! it's not a situation where man fighting against me, but christian brother against christian brother, believer against believer...i mean come on, do we really need to argue with each other opinion? who's right, who's wrong? is that the most important thing right now? we are so quick to point finger rather than to humble ourself...we're living in the last days, and the gospel must be preached! do we really need to fight for our rights? if it's for the gospel sake i'll cheer for you but it's merely our flesh opinion that tries to break others and destroy others, the funny part of being a human is we thought we knew everything, ok that is too general, let's just say being a Christian...we thought when we went through some trials and pain and suffering, we thought we knew what it meant to be Christian, we thought we really know EVERYTHING! and other's ought to listen to us...gosh, we are so ignorant and proud with our wickedness andwith our so called "spiritual ideas"and i dont know what's going on inside their mind backstabbing against each other.the more i live in this wicked and evil time the more i realized that there are two diff kind of christians. first, those who called themselves BELIEVERS which makes them just the same with the devil because the devil also believe that exsistent of God. Second, Disciple, this kind of people is very rare to find nowadays, i myself, many times struggle to be Christ's disciple coz it's not easy but i rather loss everything to become His disciple rather than just to believe without obeying Christ..i was dissapointed to be honest when i knew this thing, but as i've said earlier im not fighting against any man, im not fighting against flesh and blood but against the spirit that causes this division, chaos and confusion and i am mad! seriously mad with this deceiving spirit...and it is also vital for me to keep myself holy, and Lord please give me discernment. i do not want to be move by man's word but i only want to obey the Word of God...i felt helpless but GOd you can change and turned the worst situation and the worst sinner like me for Your glory. i felt disgusted when man come to me and condemn and judge others, servant of God and exalt himself for what he has done for Christ, comparing his 'successes' and service in Christ with others, i think that's the most carnal and evil thing and without realizing we are stealing the glory for ourself...o God forgive us!...

Lord i pray that you will open our eyes,
open our mind, you resist those who are proud
and love those who are humble. God you know
our heart, you know every person's heart, i dont want
to judge but i ask for justice, rebuke us gently,
God confront our heart! strip off every deceitful
tongue and words..i know you're doing something in our
midst, i know you are breaking things that can be broken,
you are shaking things that can be shaken...
that through this situation i will also be
able to learn and draw myself closer to You
i pray those whose eyes are being closed by the
lies of the enemies, GOd answer me not because
i deserve it, not because we earn it but for Your
Holy Name sake, let your name be glorify!
Amen

me update...

last monday i was extremely tired and exhausted..though my mind was still active but my body couldnt take it anymore so while practicing our worship session suddenly i felt my hand was numb and turned into blue color, i was shocked but i assured myself that it's normal (though it's sooo not normal) and tried to squezze my hand few times, do some hand stretches but still i felt there were no blood running through my hand, my hand was cold and i just felt that it going to explode...i mean something like that...so yeah, i told my leader im going to take a break...my hand was numb for about 20minutes, it looks like and feel like a dead man's hand, lifeless. i went to the washroom but still nothing change, in the end i ask permission to leave the practice session earlier...still, my hand was cold and blue, recalling back i couldnt figure how it can turned like that...the next day i went to the clinic for check up and i called my sister and talked to her about this...so they gave me this link...a kind of disease that i've never heard...weird...but i also admit that this past few months i have stretched my body to the max...i didnt get enough sleep, i was so stressed up with so many things, work and others...i kept running here and there until i forgot to really 'breath'...my body is giving me a message to relax, to rest...i took off from my work for 2days and just rest..sleep, pray and eat...

it's called Raynaud's Disease...
you can google it and ask uncle wiki's help (wikipedia)...

theme: Esther...

our theme for the upcoming church dedication is taken from the book of Esther, after one months praying and struggling in the end i felt peace after my friend told me the theme for our upcoming event, though it was a last minute thing because the music theme has practiced earlier weeks before our overseer informed us the theme. this past few weeks the Lord has taught me that He is sovereign, when my friend shared about their meeting, she encouraged me to read the book of Esther and pray about it...so i did...that night, it was sunday night, upon arriving home i open my bible and just study about the book, the story, pray until midnight... im not alone that night, the Holy Spirit was there, teaching me, guiding me, revealing things and etc. to be honest and as you can read in my previous blog, i've shared my thoughts and fears, uncertainty for this upcoming event, but the moment they told me that the theme have been changed instead of feeling more scared and terrified coz it cost us to change our songs and others, i felt peace and joy. in my physical eyes we lack in so many areas but in my Spirit im rest assured...

the key word is taken from chapter 4 where Mordecai told queen Esther
... "and who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"....

and i love how Esther responded to Mordecai
... "when this is done, i will go to the king, even though it is against the law.
AND IF I PERISH, I PERISH" ...

the Lord has appointed His bride (churches) for such a time as this. we are living in the last days, we are in the verge of this culture, in a crossroad. we have two option here, either we rise up as a church and live the anti thesis life and willingly live a life abandon to God or we can fold our arms and just go with the flow of this evil culture and watch others dragging their feet to hell.

we need more people like Esther who will say "if i perish, I perish"
people who are willing to stand in the gap for their people and their land.
we need more people who will be radical about God and His gospel.
it's no more about Me, Myself and I...it's about being passionate for Christ
and having the compassion for the lost.To be mission minded, to be Kingdom minded!

though the book of Esther didnt mentioned the name of God but God include this book to be part of the Bible, to show us, the next generation that He will not fail His people. he has promised Abraham that He will watch over His people and true enough, He is faithful to His promises. As i read through the book of Esther i can see the hand of God in that intense situation, and i learned that a person's decision truly can bring an impact to the next generation. If Esther doesnt willing to die for her people surely the remnant that lives in that place will be wipe out in just a day but her selfless decision changes the course of history.

to be continued.....