RANDOM RAMBLINGS

happy birthday...

2010-03-16T01:16:00.000-07:00

happy brithday mang, though you've gone for good just want you to know you're in my thoughts constantly...i miss you so much...love you...

much love,
your daughter

news...

2010-03-10T18:32:00.000-08:00

i've made a new blog account last week and am ready to jump over the other side and wont be putting any update over here, thanks to those who follow..thanks:)..and im going to leave this one just like this:)...God bless:)

....

2010-03-09T20:11:00.000-08:00

i was reading the heartcry magazines and came to a story of a leper from amazon who preached the Gospel and brought many souls to Christ till the day he went to be with the Lord. Lord i want to read and memorize Your word as if im going to be blind soon like the simple man in amazon who was used by a Great God:)....

....

2010-03-09T18:35:00.000-08:00

"A relationship with JESUS is the one thing that make sense when nothing else do"
Spoken by a widow of a pastor who was shot to death

tadaaaa!!!

2010-03-09T18:15:00.000-08:00

i just recieved another call and guess what?...i can smell another trouble is coming...hehehhe...seriously...it's coming...just wait and see...man, this whole situation becomes more and more complicated and funny...yes funny...we'll just wait and see....

His love endures forever....

2010-03-09T16:33:00.000-08:00

This morning the Lord awaken me with this psalm 136...
the whole chapter...actually im not really enjoying every moment of my life this past few weeks, it's like a thorn in my flesh and this morning, early in the morning, yes early in the morning, where im not ready to start my day suddenly i recieved a very heart breaking news...God!!!!!!!!!! i need You.....in all these nonsense crazy weeks i always reminded myself this is a character building process...man, if you want GOd to build Your innerman you must be willing for God to break You first...my only comfort in this stressing moment of course the Holy Spirit and the Word of God... whenever i felt like i want to blow up ill quickly search for my Bible and read a portion of it...im not perfect, i make mistake everyday but guess what? His love endures forever for His people... i woke up this morning greeted by God thru psalm 136, i believe it's a love letter from God telling me that first of all He has done great and mighty things in the past and He will and can do the same in this generation to show his glory...i love how the psalmist wrote it...everytime they mentioned the power of God and His mighty acts then the people will echo "His love endures forever"....2nd thing is that i should exalt Him in this hour, that i should sing like the psalmist, to tell my heart and my mind that my God is YHWH, to recall His mighty deeds and sing about His glory, His attributes and so on...ppphhheeewwww!!!...ill praise You in this little storm O my God...

dear Lord...

2010-03-08T18:45:00.000-08:00

Lord i need a break..these things make me nuts!...
remind your heart sheila

2 corinthians 12:9
and he said unto me, My grace is sufficient for thee: for My strenght is made perfect in weakness. Most gladly therefore will i rather glory in my infirmities, that the power of Christ may rest upon me.

help me Lord not to sin against You in this crazy moments,
help me to look beyond...
Your grace will pull me through,
Your grace will pull me through....

im thinking...

2010-03-07T23:32:00.000-08:00

Lord i dont know if it is your will...i want to stop leading in worship...i dont know why, but i plan after leading this upcoming church dedication i want to stop leading in worship, i want to concentrate on two things that really stirs my heart, two things that really excite me, two things that im passionate about at this moment of my life....
1)prayer and intercession
2)mission, to abound in love and good work
i just dont like to be on stage anymore and there's an urgency in my heart to concentrate on other things, but still i do not want to rush things...i dont want to be moved by my emotions and things that i've seen but i want to be led by Your Spirit...i dont know, sometimes i think that christians have given the younger generation wrong perspective about genuine christianity.... i've seen many youths desire to be on stage, play music and all those stuff...well that's good, nothing wrong with that, we also shouldnt keep the talent God gave us to minister before Him, to bring Him glory through what He has deposited in us BUT if we make it our main purpose in life and ignore God's calling upon our life, ignore the great commision, i think we should think twice...i've seen christians youth fighting with each other just to take the position to be on stage..it's like what?! christians are not meant to be on stage, we have become more like an artist instead of a minister of God... you know, it bothers me when christians are so "syok sendiri" with their thing enclosed in our gated community and soooooo busy with our "christian activities" and don't really have compassion and care about the perishing and didnt take heed what the Lord have commanded us....

Luke 4
the Spirit of the Lord is on me,
because he has anointed me
to preach the good news to the poor.
He has sent me to proclaim freedom
for the prisoners and recovery
of sight for the blind,
to released the oppressed,
to proclaim the year of the Lord's favor

Mark 16:15
and he said unto them, Go ye into all the world, and preach the Gospel to every creature. He that believeth and is baptized shall be saved....

though not all of us are called to be in the five fold ministries but we all, christians, are called to be a full time minister of God be it in ou working place, school, campuses market place etc, a love servant for Christ. There is more to being a christian than just standing in the pulpit and being on stage...like i've said before there's one day while praying and worshipping suddenly my interest to be on stage died and my interest for the cross has increased...

i just dont want to put myself too much on stage, i'd rather be on the street, slums (though we dnt really have one)...am i being selfish Lord? Lord if you will for me to still be leading your people than ignite the passion once again, if you want me to move into another field then let this desire fade away and make me concentrate only what you what me to do...

and again i dont want to rush myself..i will wait upon thee...
GOD,LET YOUR WILL BE DONE....

pray

2010-03-04T21:39:00.001-08:00

(my heart is troubled lately about something which i do not want to explain more details coz im too lazy to type it all...so ill just spill everything out, everything that's in my mind)
see in the natural, act in the Spiritual!
it talks about prayer, since we christian, we are not fighting against flesh and blood but against the unclean spirit, the evil one and it is not through our flesh and human flesh but through prayer. i have come to a situation where i hate the most but i know i need to go through this stage, whatever it is as long as in the end God gets the glory! it's not a situation where man fighting against me, but christian brother against christian brother, believer against believer...i mean come on, do we really need to argue with each other opinion? who's right, who's wrong? is that the most important thing right now? we are so quick to point finger rather than to humble ourself...we're living in the last days, and the gospel must be preached! do we really need to fight for our rights? if it's for the gospel sake i'll cheer for you but it's merely our flesh opinion that tries to break others and destroy others, the funny part of being a human is we thought we knew everything, ok that is too general, let's just say being a Christian...we thought when we went through some trials and pain and suffering, we thought we knew what it meant to be Christian, we thought we really know EVERYTHING! and other's ought to listen to us...gosh, we are so ignorant and proud with our wickedness andwith our so called "spiritual ideas"and i dont know what's going on inside their mind backstabbing against each other.the more i live in this wicked and evil time the more i realized that there are two diff kind of christians. first, those who called themselves BELIEVERS which makes them just the same with the devil because the devil also believe that exsistent of God. Second, Disciple, this kind of people is very rare to find nowadays, i myself, many times struggle to be Christ's disciple coz it's not easy but i rather loss everything to become His disciple rather than just to believe without obeying Christ..i was dissapointed to be honest when i knew this thing, but as i've said earlier im not fighting against any man, im not fighting against flesh and blood but against the spirit that causes this division, chaos and confusion and i am mad! seriously mad with this deceiving spirit...and it is also vital for me to keep myself holy, and Lord please give me discernment. i do not want to be move by man's word but i only want to obey the Word of God...i felt helpless but GOd you can change and turned the worst situation and the worst sinner like me for Your glory. i felt disgusted when man come to me and condemn and judge others, servant of God and exalt himself for what he has done for Christ, comparing his 'successes' and service in Christ with others, i think that's the most carnal and evil thing and without realizing we are stealing the glory for ourself...o God forgive us!...

Lord i pray that you will open our eyes,
open our mind, you resist those who are proud
and love those who are humble. God you know
our heart, you know every person's heart, i dont want
to judge but i ask for justice, rebuke us gently,
God confront our heart! strip off every deceitful
tongue and words..i know you're doing something in our
midst, i know you are breaking things that can be broken,
you are shaking things that can be shaken...
that through this situation i will also be
able to learn and draw myself closer to You
i pray those whose eyes are being closed by the
lies of the enemies, GOd answer me not because
i deserve it, not because we earn it but for Your
Holy Name sake, let your name be glorify!
Amen

me update...

2010-03-03T16:16:00.000-08:00

last monday i was extremely tired and exhausted..though my mind was still active but my body couldnt take it anymore so while practicing our worship session suddenly i felt my hand was numb and turned into blue color, i was shocked but i assured myself that it's normal (though it's sooo not normal) and tried to squezze my hand few times, do some hand stretches but still i felt there were no blood running through my hand, my hand was cold and i just felt that it going to explode...i mean something like that...so yeah, i told my leader im going to take a break...my hand was numb for about 20minutes, it looks like and feel like a dead man's hand, lifeless. i went to the washroom but still nothing change, in the end i ask permission to leave the practice session earlier...still, my hand was cold and blue, recalling back i couldnt figure how it can turned like that...the next day i went to the clinic for check up and i called my sister and talked to her about this...so they gave me this link...a kind of disease that i've never heard...weird...but i also admit that this past few months i have stretched my body to the max...i didnt get enough sleep, i was so stressed up with so many things, work and others...i kept running here and there until i forgot to really 'breath'...my body is giving me a message to relax, to rest...i took off from my work for 2days and just rest..sleep, pray and eat...

it's called Raynaud's Disease...
you can google it and ask uncle wiki's help (wikipedia)...

theme: Esther...

2010-03-01T00:24:00.001-08:00

our theme for the upcoming church dedication is taken from the book of Esther, after one months praying and struggling in the end i felt peace after my friend told me the theme for our upcoming event, though it was a last minute thing because the music theme has practiced earlier weeks before our overseer informed us the theme. this past few weeks the Lord has taught me that He is sovereign, when my friend shared about their meeting, she encouraged me to read the book of Esther and pray about it...so i did...that night, it was sunday night, upon arriving home i open my bible and just study about the book, the story, pray until midnight... im not alone that night, the Holy Spirit was there, teaching me, guiding me, revealing things and etc. to be honest and as you can read in my previous blog, i've shared my thoughts and fears, uncertainty for this upcoming event, but the moment they told me that the theme have been changed instead of feeling more scared and terrified coz it cost us to change our songs and others, i felt peace and joy. in my physical eyes we lack in so many areas but in my Spirit im rest assured...

the key word is taken from chapter 4 where Mordecai told queen Esther
... "and who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"....

and i love how Esther responded to Mordecai
... "when this is done, i will go to the king, even though it is against the law.
AND IF I PERISH, I PERISH" ...

the Lord has appointed His bride (churches) for such a time as this. we are living in the last days, we are in the verge of this culture, in a crossroad. we have two option here, either we rise up as a church and live the anti thesis life and willingly live a life abandon to God or we can fold our arms and just go with the flow of this evil culture and watch others dragging their feet to hell.

we need more people like Esther who will say "if i perish, I perish"
people who are willing to stand in the gap for their people and their land.
we need more people who will be radical about God and His gospel.
it's no more about Me, Myself and I...it's about being passionate for Christ
and having the compassion for the lost.To be mission minded, to be Kingdom minded!

though the book of Esther didnt mentioned the name of God but God include this book to be part of the Bible, to show us, the next generation that He will not fail His people. he has promised Abraham that He will watch over His people and true enough, He is faithful to His promises. As i read through the book of Esther i can see the hand of God in that intense situation, and i learned that a person's decision truly can bring an impact to the next generation. If Esther doesnt willing to die for her people surely the remnant that lives in that place will be wipe out in just a day but her selfless decision changes the course of history.

to be continued.....

something from my heart

2010-02-25T00:22:00.000-08:00

"the clock is ticking

and the time is fleeing

death and hell are moving

Christ will return" PW

Christ indeed will return, whether you like it or not.im wondering this past few days, i was tired physically and emotionally, im tired of living in this evil and wicked generation and i started to wonder how it would be on that day when Christ shall descend from heaven, to be with Him where all weariness and pain shall cease, that day when Christ and i will be united and together with all believers. like Paul washer said it would be either Wonderful and absolutely terrying, it depends on which side you are in, are you for Christ or against Him?...how would i feel when i saw Him face to face? when he come riding on the clouds, shining like the sun, how would my heart feel? even just to think that very day lightens up my day and make me smile because it would be a glorious day ever in history for those who put their trust in Him. it would be a glorious day when i shall see Him descend from heaven to take His people. everything will be worth sacrifing, worth dying for when i shall see the Son of Man comes and take me home, all the pain, suffering i've went hrough in life, all the hellish moment i've been through, all of these will worth nothing when i shall see the Lamb who was slain for my sake come as a King and a Judge...Lord i cant wait for you to take me home:)

lalala....

2010-02-24T18:55:00.000-08:00

the visitor counter hit 777 today

at 10.56am

25th Feb 2010...

what a perfect number for me :)

my prayer...

2010-02-23T18:58:00.000-08:00

prodigal son....

2010-02-22T20:28:00.001-08:00

God work in mysterious ways, i saw last week my friend came to church, a friend that i've been praying for this past few years. and im still praying for others who have gone astray that will turn to God again and run back to their first love, Jesus.

i will waste my life....

2010-02-22T19:04:00.000-08:00

the song below is my prayer at this point of my life

we forgot many times that the road to Christ is narrow,

Lord many times we are caught up by the

unnecessary things in life,

all the petty petty things that have blinded

our eyes to see the Cross, to see greater things.

God make me your prisoner, only when i became your captive

there i will taste TRUE FREEDOM...

this i ask in Jesus name

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

i will waste my life,
ill be tested and tried
with no regrets inside of me
just to find im at Your feet

i'll leave my father's house
and i'll leave my mother
ill leave all i have known
and i'll have no other

i am in love with You
there is no cost,
i am in love with You
there is no loss
i am in love with You
i want to take Your name
i am in love with You
i want to cling to You, Jesus
just let me cling to You,Jesus

i'll say goodbye to my father, my mother
ill turn my back on every other lover and
i'll press on, yes i'll press on

misty edwards (c)

me jumping...love this pics:)

2010-02-22T00:37:00.000-08:00

countdown....

2010-02-20T21:35:00.000-08:00

25 days left before the church opening...and we all are nervous and i personally am scared.seriosuly i told GOd the last thing i want to do is to stand before thousands of people and lead them in worship..im not saying that im lazy or i do not want to serve GOd, no...it's just i do not want to put myself in front, i'd rather be in my clostet room and just pray...and pray and pray..and just fellowship with him, interceed, travail in my prayer and just sit at the feet of Jesus...it's truly a beautiful moment...it's kinda addicting also...

tom inglis supposed to lead the worship for this coming event but he's gonna be in south africa in march if im not mistaken so we have to take his place...so yeah...God works in mysterious ways...many times you felt that you're not ready but GOd saw the opposite, sometimes we thought we are ready but God knows we are not...so yeah...ill just faitfully serve Him...to lead His peole into worship, lead his people right into the mercy seat...

so what should i do with this 25days?...what should i do within this 25days?... i should consecrate my life...so yeah..im going restrain myself from few stuff...fasting, not just in food but also internet thingy...just want to exclude my self, exclude my mind from all these..and i want my mind to be filled with the word of GOD, with everything that is pure and lovely...

phillipians 4: 8
finally brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are godd report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, THINK of these things.

worship is more than singing songs, more than clapping our hands, more than creating melodies, it's more than the music and cool gadget...though it's also our expressions of love towards him..but worship is our lifestyle, how we conduct ourself, how we obey him, how we keep ourself holy for His namesake...worship is beyond the four corner walls of the church...it's about the condition of my heart and also to help those who are poor, to release those who are in bondage. to set the captives free, to defend the right of the orphans and the widows..to love the unloved and reach those who are perishing...it's about how intimate you are in your relationship with Christ, and when we stand on the pulpit the spirit will manifest itself trhough your life as you lead them they will feel the presence of God because everyday you keep the anointing and his presence became real in you and it'll overflow as you open your mouth and heart as you ascend with your songs to the throne of grace....

25days left...Lord please take this moment to examine my heart, my thougts, my motives...deal with me, keep my heart in the right direction..heal anything that has been torn down, heal and build again this altar of yours....

guess what?!

2010-02-19T19:21:00.000-08:00

i was praying and waiting upon God this whole month for our upcoming church dedication and yes, the Lord did spoke to me thru his words in genesis. but i desire more, for a new revelation, new word from him...Manna...fresh word from the Lord... a word that will quicken my spirit and soul..a word that will bring me into another different level, word that will change my perspective, a word that will draw me closer into the reality of Christ.

and yesterday while i was reading the articles i came to this message where leonard ravenhill shared, as i read it halfway i left my table and work and went to the toilet because i just felt i want to worship Him and need to have a quiet moment, then this verse came and it quicken me, there is this "majestic feeling", the 'awe' was there (goosebumps) i knew right at that moment that this is the word, this is it!

philippians 3:10

that i may KNOW Him,

and the power of His RESSURECTION,

and the FELLOWSHIP of His sufferings,

being made conformable unto His death

though Leonard Ravenhill did an amazing work in preaching this verse out, but im not content... sound selfish...but i dont care, i want GOd to reveal the meaning of this verse from diferent angle , i dont want second hand blessing, i want a fresh revelation from Him and i know my God can do it and im going to seek, knock and ask until i grasp it, until this WORD OF LIFE change my inner man, transform me from glory to glory and from strenght to strength...

i cannot explain the words in my heart, but there's something that i believe the Lord wants to reveal through this word, so God unveil the truth, let me be transform by Your Word....

countdown....

2010-02-19T17:23:00.000-08:00

26days before the official dedication,
grand opening of our church...
and i am freakin scared...going to lead the worship in session...
we only have 3more weeks to practice and gosh!..
LORD divine intervention...and we havent fixed our intro
and all the stuff...the vocal, the harmony, the musician
and other stuff....i, personally am fully depending on GOD...
Lord go ahead of me if not i have no desire to stand before
thousands of them...if You will not be there then remove me
also from the stage...i have no desire to stand before men
if you're not with me...if your presence doesnt go with us
i will not move an inch....GOD!!!!!!

yeay!

2010-02-18T22:09:00.000-08:00

today in history...
18th feb 2010
2.10pm
it has reached 700 viewers...
thanks to all who viewed my insignificant blog...
hehehhehe....

WELCOME!!! welcome baby gwen...welcome to our family!!

2010-02-18T16:50:00.001-08:00

hhahahha..suman!

baby gwen..you're getting bigger and "chubbier"

ATTENTION UNTHEIA

2010-02-18T16:35:00.000-08:00

ok this is the introduction...hehhehehe....

view from upper seat...

left view...

right view...

main stage

taaa daaaa!!!this is the chair....

upper view and the PA room (left)

behind the stage and the changing room

this is the changing room....

another door for the changing room this one connects you to the backyard and toilet

joanne!!!...hehehehe

hanging out in church:)

miss my best friend joanne...she came and sleep over in church:)

"acting cool"...hahaha..it didnt turned out as what we want...haahhaaa

rain rain go away, come again another day....

2010-02-18T00:50:00.000-08:00

the cloud is getting darker, it's going to rain soon... hhmmmm..down memory lane, i remember those days where we used to go out and play, dance in the rain even when we were a teenager we used to do that...but yeah, now things have changed, the enviroment have changed we have grown up...hehhehe..but one thing remain we still do love to dance in the rain..we planned last year with my cousin...but unfortunately there were no rain...hehehhe...next time i guess...there will always be a next time:)

mi familia...

2010-02-17T21:13:00.001-08:00

this is our eldest sister...LANNEL

the second one... VANESSA

She's the youngest....ANTHEA...

i miss them bunches!!!.....hugs!

lawaks!

2010-02-17T19:54:00.000-08:00

i stumble upon this video "top 10 things girls do turn me off" by pastor Justin... i never heard of him but his video was hillarious..i mean seriously, girls should watch it...Christian girls..highly recommended by me...it was funny but at the same time he have his point, and personally im really blessed by what he shared...

be blessed!:)
you can just click his page on my videos down there....*scroll down*

forgive us...

2010-02-15T03:03:00.000-08:00

To all my nonbelieving, sort-of-believing,
and used-to-be-believing friends:
I feel like I should begin with a confession.

I am sorry that so often the biggest obstacle to
God has been Christians. Christians who have had
so much to say with our mouths and so little to
show with our lives. I am sorry that so often we
have forgotten the Christ of our Christianity.

Forgive us. Forgive us for the embarrassing
things we have done in the name of God.
The other night I headed into downtown Philly
for a stroll with some friends from out of town.
We walked down to Penn's Landing along the river,
where there are street performers, artists, musicians.
We passed a great magician who did some pretty sweet
tricks like pour change out of his iPhone, and then
there was a preacher. He wasn't quite as captivating
as the magician. He stood on a box, yelling into a
microphone, and beside him was a coffin with a fake
dead body inside. He talked about how we are all going
to die and go to hell if we don't know Jesus.
Some folks snickered. Some told him to shut the hell up.
A couple of teenagers tried to steal the dead body in the
coffin. All I could do was think to myself, I want to jump
up on a box beside him and yell at the top of my lungs,
"God is not a monster." Maybe next time I will.

The more I have read the Bible and studied the life of Jesus,
the more I have become convinced that Christianity spreads
best not through force but through fascination.
But over the past few decades our Christianity,
at least here in the United States, has become less
and less fascinating. We have given the atheists less
and less to disbelieve. And the sort of Christianity many
of us have seen on TV and heard on the radio looks less
and less like Jesus.

At one point Gandhi was asked if he was a Christian,
and he said, essentially, "I sure love Jesus, but the Christians
seem so unlike their Christ." A recent study showed that the
top three perceptions of Christians in the U. S. among
young non-Christians are that Christians are
1) antigay,
2) judgmental, and
3) hypocritical.

So what we have here is a bit of an image crisis,
and much of that reputation is well deserved.
That's the ugly stuff. And that's why I begin
by saying that I'm sorry.

Now for the good news.
I want to invite you to consider that maybe the
televangelists and street preachers are wrong —
and that God really is love. Maybe the fruits of
the Spirit really are beautiful things like peace,
patience, kindness, joy, love, goodness, and not the
ugly things that have come to characterize religion,
or politics, for that matter. (If there is anything I have
learned from liberals and conservatives, it's that you
can have great answers and still be mean...
and that just as important as being right is being nice.)

The Bible that I read says that God did not send Jesus
to condemn the world but to save it... it was because
"God so loved the world." That is the God I know,
and I long for others to know. I did not choose to devote
my life to Jesus because I was scared to death of hell or
because I wanted crowns in heaven... but because he is good.
For those of you who are on a sincere spiritual journey,
I hope that you do not reject Christ because of Christians.
We have always been a messed-up bunch, and somehow
God has survived the embarrassing things we do in His name.
At the core of our "Gospel" is the message that Jesus came
"not [for] the healthy... but the sick." And if you choose Jesus,
may it not be simply because of a fear of hell or hope for
mansions in heaven.

Don't get me wrong, I still believe in the afterlife,
but too often all the church has done is promise the world
that there is life after death and use it as a ticket to ignore
the hells around us. I am convinced that the Christian Gospel
has as much to do with this life as the next, and that the message
of that Gospel is not just about going up when we die but about
bringing God's Kingdom down. It was Jesus who taught us to pray
that God's will be done "on earth as it is in heaven." On earth.

One of Jesus' most scandalous stories is the story of the Good
Samaritan. As sentimental as we may have made it, the original
story was about a man who gets beat up and left on the side of
the road. A priest passes by. A Levite, the quintessential religious
guy, also passes by on the other side (perhaps late for a meeting
at church). And then comes the Samaritan... you can almost
imagine a snicker in the Jewish crowd. Jews did not talk to
Samaritans, or even walk through Samaria. But the Samaritan
stops and takes care of the guy in the ditch and is lifted up as
the hero of the story. I'm sure some of the listeners were ticked.
According to the religious elite, Samaritans did not keep the
right rules, and they did not have sound doctrine...
but Jesus shows that true faith has to work itself out in a
way that is Good News to the most bruised and broken
person lying in the ditch.

It is so simple, but the pious forget this lesson constantly.
God may indeed be evident in a priest, but God is just as
likely to be at work through a Samaritan or a prostitute.
In fact the Scripture is brimful of God using folks like a lying
prostitute named Rahab, an adulterous king named David...
at one point God even speaks to a guy named Balaam
through his donkey. Some say God spoke to Balaam through
his ass and has been speaking through asses ever since.
So if God should choose to use us, then we should be grateful
but not think too highly of ourselves. And if upon meeting
someone we think God could never use, we should think again.
After all, Jesus says to the religious elite who looked down on
everybody else: "The tax collectors and prostitutes are
entering the Kingdom ahead of you." And we wonder what
got him killed?

I have a friend in the UK who talks about "dirty theology" —
that we have a God who is always using dirt to bring life and
healing and redemption, a God who shows up in the most
unlikely and scandalous ways. After all, the whole story begins
with God reaching down from heaven, picking up some dirt,
and breathing life into it. At one point, Jesus takes some mud,
spits in it, and wipes it on a blind man's eyes to heal him.
(The priests and producers of anointing oil were not happy
that day.)

In fact, the entire story of Jesus is about a God who did not just
want to stay "out there" but who moves into the neighborhood,
a neighborhood where folks said, "Nothing good could come."
It is this Jesus who was accused of being a glutton and drunkard
and rabble-rouser for hanging out with all of society's rejects,
and who died on the imperial cross of Rome reserved for bandits
and failed messiahs. This is why the triumph over the cross was
a triumph over everything ugly we do to ourselves and to others.
It is the final promise that love wins.

It is this Jesus who was born in a stank manger in the middle of a
genocide. That is the God that we are just as likely to find in the
streets as in the sanctuary, who can redeem revolutionaries
and tax collectors, the oppressed and the oppressors... a God who
is saving some of us from the ghettos of poverty, and some of us
from the ghettos of wealth.

In closing, to those who have closed the door on religion —
I was recently asked by a non-Christian friend if I thought he was
going to hell. I said, "I hope not. It will be hard to enjoy heaven
without you." If those of us who believe in God do not believe
God's grace is big enough to save the whole world... well, we
should at least pray that it is.

Your brother,
Shane

Read more:
http://www.esquire.com/features/best-and-brightest-2009/shane-claiborne-1209#ixzz0fbM2FbR2

Becoming A Woman of Excellence

2010-02-11T00:13:00.000-08:00

A woman of excellence

is what i long to be

filled with your godly wisdom

so it is part of me

A woman of integrity

no matter what i face

standing up for righteousness

and for your saving grace

A woman of destiny

living out your plan

knowing where you'd have me walk

being guided by your hand

A woman of promise

standing on your word

holding on to all the truths

while carrying out your work

A woman of compassion

for the ones in the dark

those that do not know your love

and have darkness in their hearts

A woman that will never

compromise the faith

with what the world may offer

but will keep the narrow way

A woman who love Jesus

and will only follow Him

gladly to give up the world

so His light can shine within

Lord this is my earnest prayer

as a daughter by your grace

Grow in me these qualities

as i walk with you in faith

tttiiiiiittttt.....

2010-02-07T23:27:00.000-08:00

i just don't feel like living my life at this moment...i just want to fall back and let Jesus carry me thorugh this season of my life....

arigato!

2010-02-04T23:18:00.001-08:00

im not feeling well...i am not feeling well......grrrrrrrrrrrr..... i think im going to have fever...and im just too lazy too cook when i am sick...im all alone....im thinking what to eat tonight....still thinking....im not feeling well...

anyways, thank you Lord for everything...thank you for your grace..thank you for all the blessings throughout these week...thank you for your amzing love and grace...thank you so much...thank you for keeping my voice throughout our practice session though im sick... thank you for your joy that has become my strenght.... thank you for your guidance, thank you for never stop talking to me this whole week...thank you for your Son, Jesus. this whole week i was thinking about Him night and day and about the cross, your sacrifice, your unfailing love...thank you...thank you for giving me the passion to pray for the lost and perishing... thank you!

a bruised reed He will not break...

2010-01-26T19:08:00.001-08:00

One chilly fall evening, I toured the once violence ridden
old maximum security Colorado State Penitentiary in
Canon city. It was like so many visits, walking the cell
blocks past darkened 5x9 cages, the men clutching the
bars staring at us with their dead eyes, a grate overhead
to catch the garbage hurled from the upper tiers.
We tried that evening to visit the solitary cell block where
the men were locked up 23 out of 24 hours. By an unusual
move we had been denied permission. The screams from
the cell blocks told us why.

That night I spoke to a packed chapel, the rear pews filled
with men with those same dead eyes. But I saw some of
them come alive as the spirit of God moved powerfully in
that jammed prison room. As the inmates were being marched
out two-by-two, one young lad – he looked about the age of
my oldest son – grabbed my arm. His eyes sparkled as he spoke,
he said, “I have no family and no friends.” Then His voice faltered
for a moment, “but thank you Mr.Colson, thank you. Six months
ago I wrote to you and you matched me up with a family in
Colorado Springs. Their name is Antonsen; they have been
writing and visiting me.” Tears began to roll down his cheeks,
yet he had the most radiant expression. “I just want you to know,
Mr.Colson, that for the first time in my life, I have
hope and a reason to live.”

Hope and a reason to live – that’s what
Prison Fellowship is all about.
The Good News of Jesus Christ must be preached to those locked
behind prison bars that they too might share the greatest gift
known to man – the gift of God’s Son.
You may be thinking that a sentence of more than seven years in
the Colorado State Penitentiary must mean a man committed a
serious crime. Probably true. So you say to yourself, “he’s getting
what he deserves. Why do we worry about convicts?”

Pause a moment to remember Jesus at the end of his ministry.
On the last day of his life, he was taken from his solitary cell on
death row, he was marched up that hill, spat upon, ridiculed,
mocked, beaten, the blood running down his temples from the
crown of thorns placed on his head. Then he was left to hang from
a cross at Golgotha, the place of the skull, to die. And he did so
as much for that young man in that Colorado prison as he did
for you and me.

Those of us who have committed our lives to
follow Christ are also committed to lay our
lives down for others, as he did for us.
We are commanded to do this. Every expert agrees that prisons
do not and cannot rehabilitate. That is why, according to some
statistics. four out of five crimes are committed by ex-convicts
Prisons merely recycle the criminals of society, often turning
them out even more violent and dangerous to society
than when they entered. We believe that the life-changing power
of Jesus Christ is the best hope inside the prisons.
We believe this by faith, and we know it by experience.
Instead of coming out of prison bitter and defiant to plague
society, those who have truly accepted Christ and become part
of a loving, caring Christian community return as law-abiding
citizens. This is the way to attack the crime problem at its root.
Thus, this ministry can have vital social benefits, but even more
importantly, Prison Fellowship is a vehicle through which
followers of Jesus Christ can heed his clear command to
go into the prisons ( see Matt 25)

It is important for you to know that our goal is not to build
a new para-church organization with an extensive paid staff.
Often such groups give the church an excuse not to get involved
by taking over its legitimate functions: often they bypass the
church. Our ministry on the contrary, is to be an exhorter,
an enabler, a facilitator; our goal is to encourage the
local church and the local Christian
community to become personally committed
and involved. ..

The task before us is tough. Make no mistake;
there are no panaceas. Bringing Christ into the prison is not
like waving a magic wand and then watching miracles happen.
It is a day in, day out, slugging away in the trenches.
There will be setbacks and disappointments. We deal with
people who had a lifetime of rejection; we cannot expect
instant results. Instead, we need to be patient and persevering,
showing care and love to those- like the young man in the
Colorado prison – who are among the most unloved in our
society. When they slip and fall, we need to pick them up.
Above all, we must remember that God measures our success
not in numbers won, but by the faithfulness of our
own hearts. If we are faithful, he will give the increase.

I believe that God is going to perform a mighty reforming
work in the prisons and institution… that he is raising up
people like you and me as part of his army, the hands
and feet that perform the labors...

Yours in His Service,
Chuck Colson

author's note:
I started joining Prison Fellowship ministry when I was 18 years old
(I’m the youngest). My passion to serve the inmates started when
I was 15years old. One day as I read through my bible, I came to
this following passage:

Matthew 25:

The Final Judgment
31 “But when the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels
with him, then he will sit upon his glorious throne.
32 All the nations will be gathered in his presence,
and he will separate the people as a shepherd separates
the sheep from the goats.
33 He will place the sheep at his right hand and the goats at his left.
34 “Then the King will say to those on his right,
‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father, inherit the Kingdom
prepared for you from the creation of the world.
35 For I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave
me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.
36 I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you
cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’
37 “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we
ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you
something to drink? ..
39 When did we ever see you sick or in p
rison and visit you?’
40 “And the King will say, ‘I tell you the truth,
when you did it to one of the least of these my
brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’
41 “Then the King will turn to those on the left and say,
‘Away with you, you cursed ones, into the eternal fire prepared
for the devil and his demons.
42 For I was hungry, and you didn’t feed me. I was thirsty,
and you didn’t give me a drink.
43 I was a stranger, and you didn’t invite me into your home.
I was naked, and you didn’t give me clothing.
I was sick and in prison, and you didn’t visit me.’
45 “And he will answer, ‘I tell you the truth, when you refused
to help the least of these my brothers and sisters,
you were refusing to help me.’
46 “And they will go away into eternal punishment,
but the righteous will go into eternal life.”

From that day onward there were a conviction and a passion
in my heart that I should go and serve the prisoner though
I do not have the access and to go in, I didn’t even know there
is such ministry like Prison Fellowship. I remember praying to
God for those who are in prison and for those who were arrested
for the gospel sake. 2years went by and I felt impossible that I
could serve the prisoners plus I do not have the qualification
to go in. One day there’s one brother in our church, he
approached me (which is my current boss) and ask me to work
for him in their new office little did I know that he is the Chairman
of Prison Fellowship in our state. The day I went to their new
office he informed me that I’m going to work with Prison Fellowship.
I was amazed how God answered my prayer.

It is a great privileged to serve God inside the prison.
Our Executive Director of PF always said this
“whenever we visited the prisoners we are not bringing Christ in,
we are visiting Christ and we are all just the same with the inmates,
a sinner, in fact we sinned in our daily lives, but the difference
is they got caught and we don’t”

It’s always a joy whenever it’s my turn to visit them and every
time we step out of the prison I always feel refreshed, revived.
I don’t know why, but just to fellowship and minister to those
inmates reminded me of who I am and what Christ has done
for mankind, his love and sacrifice. I can see some of the inmates
though they are locked up physically but I can see freedom in
their soul through their eyes, you can see a glimpse of joy
and peace written all over their face.

God’s love covers a multitude of sin. There’s one particular guy,
I was told by our chairman that he raped his cousin while she
was still 9years old, I was indignant at first when I heard but
the Lord taught me not to look at him through my physical eyes
instead look through the eyes of Christ. Every volunteer must
abound not just in good works but also in love. Same goes to me,
I am also unworthy but Christ look at me beyond my weaknesses
and sins. It takes Christ love for me to embrace them without judging,
to comfort instead of condemning and look into their eyes
and love them unreservedly.

Ephesians 3
17so that Christ may dwell in your hearts through faith.
And I pray that you, being rooted and established in love,
18may have power, together with all the saints, to grasp
how wide and long and high and deep is the love of Christ,
19and to know this love that surpasses knowledge—
that you may be filled to the measure of all the
fullness of God.

The Prison Fellowship team has put it this way.
The right reasons to join.
What are the right reasons for going into prison?
First of all a deep conviction that God is sending you there
for Christian service. You should go in obedience to Christ’s call…
The other right reason for joining this ministry is out of love for
inmates – people numbered among the world’s forgotten.
If you really love these people, you won’t use them for your selfish
ambition. Your purpose will be loving words and actions to point
them to Jesus Christ, who is the author and the perfector of authentic
love. Under the mandate of love, you also won’t get discourage
as easily when the going gets tough.

Like what Mr.Chuck Colson wrote, this is not an easy task,
sometimes the result would be very disappointing,
I remember one day there’s a lady called me up and question
me why do we need to serve the prisoners, she told me they
deserve it! So on and so fort... Many times we invited pastors,
elders, leaders, to come and join, fulfill and take heed what
Jesus said in Matt 25, though the respond was very discouraging
but the Lord was faithful all through the way.

On that glorious day,
When the Son of Man comes in his glory,
and all the angels with him,
then he will sit upon his glorious throne.
I want to hear him saying this to me
‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father,
inherit the Kingdom prepared for you
from the creation of the world.
For I was hungry, and you fed me.
I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink.
I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home.
I was naked, and you gave me clothing.
I was sick, and you cared for me.
I was in prison, and you visited me.’

take my life Lord but not my money...

2010-01-25T17:00:00.000-08:00

I’ll give you anything Lord; take my life…but not my money…
Like what I’ve written on my previous blog even in my facebooking
I want God to be glorified, in EVERY DEPARTMENT of
my life I want God to reign not me. I want him to take fully control
over my life. That’s basically what I’ve been praying for.

Someone told me this “don’t talk about laying down your life
for God if you can’t and need to think twice before laying
down your money for God sake”
For me it was a funny statement but it has powerful truth in it.
Few years back I do have problem in handling my money though
I’ve given what I ought to give to God but in my part I’m just
miserable, years gone by I can see the Holy Spirit has taught me
so much and I can see progress and though I’m still struggling but
I thank God that it didn’t get any worst. I’ve been asking the Holy
Spirit to give me self-control not to spend carelessly but with wisdom.

My sisters called me shopaholic , something that I didn’t take pride
in instead I’m embarrassed. We all still do have our own struggles in
our daily lives even after we became Christian and I acknowledge that
this habit can become worse without God’s intervention.
We all notice that the world system is corrupt, everyday they
advertise and encourage you to spend more and more
“shop ‘till you drop” that’s what the world always says…

Recently I was reading the book called the power of prayer by
R.A Torrey, and the author touched on the subject of generosity…
here’s what he wrote,

Many professing Christian men, every year of their lives,
spend more on the unnecessary, not to say filthy and
unwholesome, tobacco habit than they do upon sending
the Gospel to the perishing in China, India, Africa, and
elsewhere. Yet they wonder why God does not answer
their prayers. Many men in our churches today,
if you ask them for 100$ for foreign missions, would
almost faint away, and yet they spend more than fifty
cents a day on cigars, and fifty cents a day would add
up to more than $100 in a year… and never dream of giving
the same a mount to foreign missions.
Yet they wonder why God does not answer
their prayers.

At a great world missionary meeting in Rochester some
years ago, an enthusiastic missionary advocate stretched out
her hands to the audience in a pathetic appeal and said,
“sisters, we must have money for foreign missions.”
Yet as she said it, more than $7000 worth of diamonds
flashed her fingers. Yet we wonder why God does not answers
our prayers. Oh, there is no wonder at all about it;
the explanation is simple. It is found in the word of God;
it is because of our stinginess, the smallness of our
giving. Doesn’t God say it in His word, and is He not
thundering it in our ears right now:

Proverbs 21:13
Whoso stoppeth his ears at the cry of the poor,
he also shall cry himself,
but shall not be heard.

After reading the book I open my bible and the Lord spoke to me
clearly thru His word. It really stirs my heart; I do not want to be
a listener only I want to be a doer, to do what pleases God’s heart.
Suddenly the Lord reminded me of my pledge. I remember
I promised one of God’s servants that I will pledge to help their
church building; I really do have the desire to help this specific
church. Months went by and I forgot about it until that night…
in the other hand I also do not have the amount that the Lord spoke in
my heart. So I pray, for few days I pray and pray and believe by faith,
put into practice what I’ve learned. I do not know where or how or
when the money will come but deep within my heart I heard a voice
saying the money will soon come. True to His word, few weeks later
someone gave me amount of money so I set it aside for the pastor,
though I admit I was tempted to use the money for my own pleasure
but I remember God’s word

1 John 3:16-19
We know what real love is because Jesus gave up his life
for us. So we also ought to give up our lives for our
brothers and sisters. If someone has enough
money to live well and sees a brother or
sister in need but shows no compassion—
how can God’s love be in that person?
Dear children, let’s not merely say that we love each other;
let us show the truth by our actions.
Our actions will show that we belong to the truth,
so we will be confident
when we stand before God.

Amazingly the day I sent the money over to them and even
after it I felt joy… I thought I would feel miserable. hahaha.. But it
turned out that I felt happy inside of me, knowing that I have
obeyed God’s word by faith with the help of His Holy Spirit.
I’m glad that the Lord gave me this opportunity to bless
others who are in need.

For me it’s not about the money actually, not about the amount,
it’s not about what I’m going to get in return; it’s about the
condition of my heart. How far am I willing to give it all for Christ?
I remember the story about a widow who came to the temple
and gave her offering while Jesus watched with his disciples,
though the Pharisees gave larger amount than the women
but surprisingly Jesus was pleased by the women’s offering.
Little that she had but she gave it all for the One who sees her heart.

Mark 12:41-43

How can we say we give our life for God when we are
holding back our money, our wealth, our family, loved ones,
our daily life and our future?

I know for sure that the pastor needed the money more
than me, whether the pastor will use it for their church building
or for mission, one thing for sure it will be for the expansion of
the kingdom of God and His glory.

Luke 6:38-39
Give, and you will receive.
Your gift will return to you in full—
pressed down, shaken together to make room for more,
running over, and poured into your lap.
The amount you give will determine
the amount you get back.”

This is not the end for me, this is just the beginning,
i want to abound in good works. Whenever the Lord speaks in
the future I want to be a blessing not just in words but also through
my action. Every time I give what is mine to others in need,
I felt that I have crucified my flesh and carnal desire and through
this process I can see God being glorified. Only when I crucified
myself will I taste true freedom and joy that I found in Christ Jesus.

o yeah!!!!

2010-01-24T16:40:00.000-08:00

hahhaa..im reading John Bunyan Pilgrim's progress book.... i've read before in Amy Carmicheal's biography and she mentioned a lot about this author. it catches my attention and wanted to at least peek at his book which i believe is not available in this country...and it was written before WWII if im not mistaken....guess what my friend gave me links...and there i found this site..and John Bunyan Pilgrim's progress is available to read....thank you Lord:)

too lazy...

2010-01-21T19:28:00.000-08:00

why is it that today i felt too lazy to do anything...im too lazy to finish my video making, im too lazy to be friendly, too lazy to smile, to lazy to be happy..hehehe...to lazy to finish up all my writing... i have like 3 diff topic that i have written and i dont know how to end it...because im too lazy to write in down....my mind think so much thought that i think i should write it down but im tooo lazy to cope up with my mind...so many things i wanted to write but im too lazy to really sit and write...aaarrrgggghhhh....haaaiiihhhh....dont worry sheila it's only a seasonal emotion...i hope so...hahahaha

grrrrr!!!

2010-01-19T16:19:00.000-08:00

What is happening with the local churches?
Why are we still prophesying ‘vain things’ and dishing
out only favorable personal prophecies? We declare
‘Thus saith the Lord! Thus saith the Lord!”
we like to predict the future and claim we have a word
for every individual person. What’s the different between
us and the witch and diviners?
I am disgusted when I know that deception has a
foothold in our midst.I am disgusted and mad…
forgive me Lord but I am!

After my mum passed away the Lord spoke in my heart clearly
to be fervent in prayer and to intercede since I don’t really know
what to pray I just quote this “Lord, teach me how to pray” and
true enough, through His Holy spirit he taught me how to pray.
like what I’ve wrote in my blog before that I’ve received stuff from
God but I was hesitant, unsure of it’s meaning because it’s against
what I’ve seen in our midst, but I continue to pray that if what I
have felt and sense is true than somehow God will give me clear
confirmation.

Yesterday the Lord answered my prayer. She’s been struggling
whether to tell me or not, the Lord spoke to her last week through
His servant, to go and do what the Lord has put in her heart.
We met and she shared the things she kept in her heart over the
years.

I was so shocked! I couldn’t believe that what I have felt and sense
before is actually true plus the Lord confirmed the word He gave
to me 5years ago. It’s a very sensitive issue and I don’t want to
write in detail. I just want to pour it out.

Now I understand why my spirit grieved when I sat with them,
now I understand when I read Ezekiel 16 you brought them into
my mind. Truly Lord your ways are beyond mine, your thoughts
are beyond mine, many times I cannot understand but you
are faithful.

I couldn’t sleep the whole night even after I woke up I kept
thinking that their souls is at stake, there is darkness in the House
of God. I wept and I don’t know what to pray, how to pray but
I will not remain silent, I will not! I won’t let this deception
continue to creep among your people Lord and cause division.

Jeremiah 4:19
19 Oh, my anguish, my anguish!
I writhe in pain.
Oh, the agony of my heart!
My heart pounds within me,
I cannot keep silent.
For I have heard the sound of the trumpet;
I have heard the battle cry.

Why in God’s name we want to steal His glory?
Why do we declare “thus saith the Lord” when everything
that came out from our mouth is merely from our flesh?!
Why are we not willing to repent?
Why are we so stubborn in our sin?

!!!

2010-01-17T23:11:00.000-08:00

Jeremiah 29
4Thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel,
unto all that are carried away captives,
whom I have caused to be carried away from
Jerusalem unto Babylon;

5Build ye houses, and dwell in them;
and plant gardens, and eat the fruit of them;

6Take ye wives, and beget sons and daughters;
and take wives for your sons, and give your
daughters to husbands, that they may bear sons
and daughters; that ye may be increased there,
and not diminished.

7And seek the peace of the city whither I have
caused you to be carried away captives,
and pray unto the LORD for it:
for in the peace thereof shall ye have peace.

8For thus saith the LORD of hosts, the God of Israel;
Let not your prophets and your diviners, that be
in the midst of you, deceive you, neither hearken to
your dreams which ye cause to be dreamed.

9For they prophesy falsely unto you in my name:
I have not sent them, saith the LORD.

10For thus saith the LORD, that after seventy years
be accomplished at Babylon I will visit you, and perform
my good word toward you, in causing you to return
to this place.

11For I know the thoughts that I think toward you,
saith the LORD, thoughts of peace, and not of evil,
to give you an expected end.

12Then shall ye call upon me, and ye shall go and
pray unto me, and I will hearken unto you.

13And ye shall seek me, and find me,
when ye shall search for me with all your heart.

14And I will be found of you, saith the LORD:
and I will turn away your captivity, and I will gather
you from all the nations, and from all the places whither
I have driven you, saith the LORD; and I will bring you
again into the place whence I caused you to be
carried away captive.

it's been 5years, i remember vividly that night when
the Lord gave me this word.
After 4 years praying, asking, seeking, waiting upon God the
Lord answered one of my prayer specifically today.

verse 8-9 really bothered me over the years,
I’ve been telling God that it’s impossible that there
will be any deceiver or prophets that are not of God
in our midst. over the years i've been praying though
i cannot really comprehend, but there's urgency to pray.

I don’t feel like writing in details but I just want to
encourage my soul that MY GOD REIGNS! He is…
He is in control over this situation...
He's in charge over this matter...

This verse describe the condition of my soul

Jeremiah 4
19 Oh, my anguish, my anguish!
I writhe in pain.
Oh, the agony of my heart!
My heart pounds within me,
I cannot keep silent.
For I have heard the sound of the trumpet;
I have heard the battle cry.

I am seriously mad! Mad with this situation, mad to those who let themselves get easily influenced, mad at those who blasphemed the Name of GOD, mad at those who use the Name of God in vain without any fear or trembling! Mad at those who use the Name of GOD for their personal gain and for self-exaltation! Mad at those who deceived your people, the weak and ignorant! Lord you need to do something! You need to! I will not keep silent! I will not!

How can they stand before your people and declare "thus saith the Lord" when everything that they have said is from their flesh?! these phrase have been widely used "thus saith the Lord" not to edifies the church, to comfort or to encourage but instead using it for their personal gain.They blasphemed Your Name! aren't they aware about the consequences of it? don't they remember that God is GOD?!How can this be? Lord, have mercy upon this temple, hear my cry, have mercy upon their souls. Hear our prayer and when you hear, forgive. intervene LOrd! we are helpless, Holy Spirit we need you!

4 Circumcise yourselves to the LORD,
circumcise your hearts,
you men of Judah and people of Jerusalem,
or my wrath will break out and burn like fire
because of the evil you have done—
burn with no one to quench it.

it really hurts...

2010-01-13T23:35:00.000-08:00

an old lady wrote that when you cry, dont cry alone.
cry with others it can heal.. it's really heartbreaking when i
see her now embracing other faith. we all do have free will,
i know that...i dont know what to write here.. all the why's
is running thru my head now...is this all their fault?
life is unfair, maybe human just like to be stupid.
we all know there is a GOD, she heard the truth before.
and yet she turned her back from GOD...what makes her
to take this decision? hurts? past experience?guilt?
i remember as pastor sam prayed this prayer
"Lord, we are helpless...many times we see
them turn their back on you...we are helpless.."
as he offer this prayer he cried.... so do i.
i understand, he felt the heart of GOD, the heart beat
of GOD is souls, He desire that no man should perish...

carry my cross

2010-01-12T00:27:00.000-08:00

I want to quote Leonard Ravenhill’s prayer, a beautiful prayer

“We pray Lord for Your glory not for ours,
not for the preachers, not even for the last
day’s ministries but we pray for your holy
Name sake that you will invade this sanctuary tonight.
We pray you’ll work spiritual revolution in us,
we pray that some of us will go to our own funeral
tonight and die to self and all the failure
and all the weakness”

Last friday when attending our prayer meeting, while praying,
when all the petition and all the request were made known
before our God, when we sang the song “change my heart
O God” I sat there on my chair and cried for this generation,
for my people, for this city, this nation, like Leonard Ravenhill
said, this generation never seen your glory.

Second thing. As I sat there and just examining my heart,
this question appeared in my heart, how many are willing
to follow Christ to the point of death? I looked around and
I don’t know, that very night I asked God to re-examine my
own heart, I wept, I pray that I will be found worthy to die for Him.

In this generation standing for what it right, declaring truth
is like an offense (really weird) especially when we speak out
the gospel in restricted nations it will cost you your very life
and because of it many believers shun the gospel from other
unbelievers, I’ve shared to others about Christ and I can tell
you it’s pretty hard especially when they really hold on to their
beliefs.

I met one pastor and he’s new to this place, he shared to me
that his fellow believers warned him not to share the gospel
with strangers and people from this specific religion because
it will cost him his life, I can see from his face that he’s puzzled
and disappointed.I understood what he felt (because before I
also have the same mindset like his fellow believers). I told
Him that it’s true, sharing the Gospel will cost him his life
but I told him where I stand, i do not agree with the 'advice'
of his 'friends', i remember telling him if we do not speak out
the unbelievers will never know the truth because only
the truth can set them free..the truth about Christ, the
message of the cross.

Apostle Paul wrote this

Philippians 1:27-30
27Whatever happens, conduct yourselves in a manner
worthy of the gospel of Christ. Then, whether I come
and see you or only hear about you in my absence,
I will know that you stand firm in one spirit,
contending as one man for the faith of the gospel
28without being frightened in any way by those who
oppose you. This is a sign to them that they will be destroyed,
but that you will be saved—and that by God.
29For it has been granted to you on behalf of Christ
not only to believe on him, but also to suffer for him…

I told him if I were in His position I will ignore those voices,
(I’m not saying be rebellious, that’s not what I meant)
it’s because they don't want to live antithesis life,
their words are totally different with the Word of God,
if I have the conviction to share to other unbelievers
I will do, though maybe there are times where I have
to argue first with God..hahhaha..but then I’ll try my best.

Luke 21:5-13
Jesus Foretells the Future
…But Jesus said, 6 “The time is coming when all these
things will be completely demolished. Not one stone will
be left on top of another….

On verse 8-11 Jesus told them thing that will happen before
the end comes and the next verse Jesus clearly stated this…

12 “But before all this occurs, there will be a time of great persecution.
You will be dragged into synagogues and prisons,
and you will stand trial before kings and governors
because you are my followers.
13 But this will be your opportunity to tell them about me

O God remove our ignorance… ignorance towards Your word.

Even in this current situation Christians began
to tremble, break down and begin to seek God.
Last Sunday the speaker shared that the church has
become too complacent that’s why persecution sets in,
Christians hold 2 to 3 jobs to earn more money,
working day in day out and only set their feet to
church on Sundays. He said that this very situation is
a good reminder for all us that the church is not our refuge,
the church building is not our shelter but GOD is.

Psalm 9:9
The LORD is a shelter for the oppressed,
a refuge in times of trouble.

Psalm 31:19-20
How great is the goodness you have stored
up for those who fear you.
You lavish it on those who come to you for protection,
blessing them before the watching world.
You hide them in the shelter of your presence,
safe from those who conspire against them.
You shelter them in your presence,
far from accusing tongues.

I admit that I’m also was taken aback when
I first heard all this current situation but the
Lord reminded me this morning and gave
this verse into remembrance

Psalm 2:2-5
The kings of the earth prepare for battle;
the rulers plot together against the LORD
and against his anointed one.
3 “Let us break their chains,” they cry,
“and free ourselves from slavery to God.”
4 But the one who rules in heaven laughs.
The Lord scoffs at them.
5 Then in anger he rebukes them,
terrifying them with his fierce fury.

That night when we had our prayer meeting,
we all earnestly seek God and crying out to Him
for help and comfort. This word came to us

Isaiah 52
Deliverance for Jerusalem

1 Wake up, wake up, O Zion! Clothe yourself with strength.
Put on your beautiful clothes, O holy city of Jerusalem,
for unclean and godless people will enter your gates no longer.
2 Rise from the dust, O Jerusalem. Sit in a place of honor.
Remove the chains of slavery from your neck,
O captive daughter of Zion.

My name is blasphemed all day long.

6 But I will reveal my name to my people,
and they will come to know its power.
Then at last they will recognize that
I am the one who speaks to them.”
7 How beautiful on the mountains are the feet of the
messenger who brings good news, the good news
of peace and salvation, the news that the
God of Israel reigns!
8 The watchmen shout and sing with joy, for before
their very eyes they see the LORD returning to Jerusalem.
9 Let the ruins of Jerusalem break into joyful song,
for the LORD has comforted his people.
He has redeemed Jerusalem.
10 The LORD has demonstrated his holy power
before the eyes of all the nations. All the ends of the earth
will see the victory of our God.
11 Get out! Get out and leave your captivity,
where everything you touch is unclean.
Get out of there and purify yourselves,
you who carry home the sacred objects of the LORD.
12 You will not leave in a hurry, running for your lives.
For the LORD will go ahead of you; yes,
the God of Israel will protect you from behind

My God reigns!! :)

churches under attack?

2010-01-11T17:57:00.000-08:00

i found this article from my friend, anyway...i find it funny when i read all the comments posted from the readers...

http://www.themalaysianinsider.com/index.php/malaysia/49190-cops-deny-latest-church-attack-

Psalm 2
1 Why do the nations conspire
and the peoples plot in vain?
2 The kings of the earth take their stand
and the rulers gather together
against the LORD and against his Anointed One.
3 "Let us break their chains," they say,
"and throw off their fetters."
4 The One enthroned in heaven laughs;
the Lord scoffs at them.
5 Then he rebukes them in his anger
and terrifies them in his wrath

facebooking and tweet! tweet!!

2010-01-07T20:55:00.001-08:00

http://davidsills.blogspot.com/2009/08/tweet-tweet.html

long before i found this article i also felt the same thing, i thought it was ridiculous i even tease myself for being too spiritual but inside me felt disgusted whenever i wrote something on my shout out especially about myself. it's not wrong actually writing about yourself but it has become more self-promoting, self exalting so i ended up deleting my Fb account because that's what i felt i should do and in my heart there's no peace at all.Everything is about me myself and I, the Unholy trinity. hehehe... i bumped in with this article few days ago and well said...well said...though maybe this is not applicable for some of us (i think) but as a christian i think we should meditate on this matter, LESS OF ME AND MORE OF GOD...

and even if im going to make a new account it will be more of God.

hope after reading you'll take time to re-examine our heart and ponder upon it.
be blessed!

Living the Antithesis

2010-01-05T18:45:00.000-08:00

author's note:
i know Rev.Susan Tang and even met her personally many times.
i am very much encouraged by her devotion towards God.
She's the first pastor and founder of Calvary charismatic church in east malaysia, also she has planted many churches around sabah. what i love the most about her is she's a woman of prayer and how she poured our her life for Christ and others. i received this email this morning and wanted to share this to all of you..

LIVING THE ANTITHESIS
by Rev Susan Tang
For the past few years the Lord has been speaking to me about living in a manner that is the 'antithesis' to all that is happening in the church and in the nation. Over the years, as I waited on Him, I heard Him say, "There is darkness in My House. I am now calling those who can hear My voice to live lives that will be the antithesis to all that is happening. Stop your activities; start to pray and to live out that 'antithesis.'”

It was difficult because I had meetings lined up and my itinerant ministry was bringing in much financial blessing. The books and tapes were selling well and people were blessed. The only problem was, I did not have a deep sense of God's reality. I was finding it extremely hard to hear from Him and I did not enjoy the sense of joyful liberation and rest in my spirit that I am experiencing now. God settled my indecision by taking me through the typhoid incident! I was pathetic during that illness but so spiritually enriched after it. After I recovered, I could hear Him better and with His directives, came the explanations. I heard Him say, "Too many want to travel and speak for ministerial and money sake. They have no interest to build into my kingdom but into their own ministry which has no eternal validity. Now, will you obey and live in a manner that is the antithesis to all these?"

As I cancelled my itinerant ministry to stay back and spend time to pray, the directives also came to price down my books, to put them on the website for free reading. I was also to sell my house to buy a piece of land and to pioneer a prayer community. Oh, have I been struggling over these directives and decisions for the past two years! No wonder so many of us do not dare to spend time in His presence. Who knows what He will direct us to do next?

The struggles ceased lately as I read Matthew 7:13-14 and Jeremiah 7. In Matthew 7:14, Jesus commanded His disciples to walk the narrow way (or to live in a manner that is antithetical to the popular worldly order) although it was an unpopular choice and 'few there be that find it.' In Jeremiah 7 He convicted me that the deception in the church worldwide had already produced decline and darkness, a darkness which will finally lead to destruction. I then saw the decline of many local pastors and also much confusion in our local church scene as everything climaxes into what Jeremiah described in verse eleven:

" Is this house, which is called by My name, become a den of robbers in your eyes. Behold, even I have seen it, saith the Lord." Not only do we have semi-nudity, gays and lesbians, con-men and women, paedophiles, adulterers, fornicators, pseudo prophets / prophetesses and false apostles defiling the church, we now have an influx of the merchandizing and trading spirit. No wonder God said the final result is that His house will become 'a den of robbers.' As the mercenary and the merchandizing spirit join forces with the present profanity, we will not only rob God of His glory, we will also rob the nation of godly standards or ‘the sense of God,’ and the heathen of their hope and salvation.

Many non-Christians are already disgusted as they could not find the difference between the church and the world.

Benedict called the present culture the ‘culture of death’, and weaved his recent Easter Day message around the contrast between material and spiritual riches an told Christians to undergo a ‘purification of hearts’ so that we can heal a lacerated world. He warned against selfishness, corruption and said that the temptation of worldly riches is ‘the language of the serpent’.

Yes, even the church is now inundated with the ‘culture of death’ and the ‘language of the serpent.’ What, then, is God saying to us? What is His urgent and fresh call at this hour to the church in our nation? Are the prophets and prophetesses in Malaysia hearing Him or are we still prophesying ‘vain things’ and dishing out only favorable personal prophecies? Can we hear God calling men and women to live lives that are the antithesis to the horrible system of greed, materialism and compromise that has defiled the church and the land? Do we hear God calling us back to kingdom life and an apostolic lifestyle? When we do hear, do we then, have the strength to obey? To live a life that is the antithesis to all that is around us is like a fish swimming against the tide. Its strength could break against that onslaught.

Does God know? Yes, He does. This is why He told Israel, “Go on this special diet. Feed on manna (Me) daily. If you do, then you can fight against that order. The journey is indeed too hard for you but you can do it as you feed on Me and let Me infuse you with My life.”

But Israel rejected that special diet. This is why they could not make the journey. Will we let the same happen to us? God knows we can only walk the narrow way and be the antithesis to the defiled, worldly and devilish system if we have an infusion of the life of Jesus. But the church life today is hardly an ‘infusion of His life’; rather, it is an infusion of programs, activities, mental knowledge and great exteriors. If I had not stopped my itinerant ministry and spent time in His presence to hear from Him, and then to have been allowed to see what He showed me, I would not have the strength to carry out His directives. And to many of us these directives seem to be utter foolishness.

Does it seem too much for a single woman pastor who is in her ‘retirement years’ to sell her house and part with her only piece of visible and tangible asset? Yet my disobedience, after the Lord has shown me the rich rewards of my decision, would be worse than total foolishness and wickedness. My heart came to a liberating rest and joy when I could finally agree with what God was saying to me.

“The church must not only pray. She must live her prayers. If the church in Malaysia will not live lives that are the antithesis to all that is around her she will never be able to defeat the powers of darkness in this land; neither will she have the strength to avert My coming judgment.”

The infusion of His strength has helped me to yield, to agree to His directives and to start to live in a manner that will be the ‘antithesis’ to that which is selfish, worldly and devilish. I am doing it not because I'm spiritual, wonderful or ‘one step above the rest’. I am doing it as an act of obedience and out of a deep love for God. I am also doing it because I want to ‘stand in the gap’ for many priests and prophets who are unable to come free of the psychic bondage to materialism. I am also doing it as an encouragement to others to follow. The Lord has given me the assurance that there will be many others who will follow as His reality enveloped us for “Thy people shall be willing in the day of thy power” (Psalm 110:3)

I now know what it means when I pray, “Thy kingdom come, Thy will be done.” God’s kingdom cannot come if His will is not done. The ‘kingdom lifestyle’ is the antithesis to the selfish, worldly and devilish order which the enemy has set up. It is wonderful to give it all to Him instead of allowing an incoming tsunami to sweep it away. Of course many still do not believe that a tsunami will ever hit the Malaysian shore or that Malaysian houses or properties will get swept off. People in Acheh and New Orleans did not think it could happen; nevertheless it did. Did people think that Subang Jaya and Shah Alam would get that badly flooded and that winds of that magnitude can hit the city? It happened and the worse is yet to come.

Is your life, up to this time just a product of an institution (the church) or is it an infusion of the life of Jesus? If it is an infusion of the life of Jesus, then you can come free of the psychic attraction to materialism and the ‘culture of death.’ You can live the ‘kingdom lifestyle’ and not listen to the ‘language of the serpent’. You can speak God’s language, ‘go against the tide’ and live the life that is the ‘antithesis’ to all that is around you so that you can heal the lacerated world … and the church.

heal my heart

2010-01-05T17:01:00.000-08:00

after reading Ezekiel 16, i was in awe, speechless and blessed beyond measure by His love. He loved us in spite of our sins and wickedness. He didn’t relent and reject us instead He did whatever it takes to win our wicked heart and replace it with a new, clean heart. a heart that will love Him unreservedly. This song came while i was worshipping. a simple and sincere prayer for a loving God. Lord this is for You:)

something from my heart...

2010-01-05T00:49:00.001-08:00

i was talking with my boss this afternoon about mission,
christian history, how great man and women of Christ
pay the price in order to see others being saved,
they even poured out their life for God's glory
and for unreached people group. after he shared his
story he lend me an article called "on the Silk Road"

4/14 statistic on the Silk Road
18 million Turks are under 15
Azerbaijan has 200,000 children
who are Internally Displaced Persons.
Kazakhstan has 80,000 orphans
China has at least 6,000,000 unregistered children
1 in 4 Afghan children dies before their 5th birthday
Tehran, Iran, has 25,000 child squatters
who live on the streets, where growing drug use
And prostitution are leading to social crisis

On the other hand we live life too comfortable, complacent, contented, and carefree.

Our eyes instead of seeing the suffering of those who are without Jesus, is being mesmerized by entertainment, fashion, and even by our own gated community which we called “church” has evolve and becoming more like a country club where there are plenty of activities that keeps you busy throughout the year until you overlook the power of prayer.

Our hands, instead of reaching or should I say ‘snatch’ them from the devil’s clutch, our hands have become too ‘clean’ to even touch the unclean, the unloved, the hopeless.

Our ears, instead of hearing the plea, the cry of the oppressed, the poor, the widow and the orphan, we shut it with the sounds of music, loud music, loud Christian music.

Our feet, instead of direct it down the alley of suffering and self-denial, we run towards pleasure and wealth, “it’s much easier to walk on this wide trail” trying to ease our heart.

Our mouth, instead of declaring truth, peace, love, justice, we stitch it with the thread of fear. Fear of being thrown to jail, fear of being ridicule, fear of being mock, fear of being judge, fear of being persecuted for God sake and the Gospel.

Our mind, instead of having the mind like Christ, think like Christ, act like Christ, perceive things like Christ, love like Christ, suffer like Christ, rejoice like Christ, we have become corrupt! We fed our mind with entertainment, immorality and wickedness not forgetting all the rubbish that we read, see and hear.

Our heart, instead of burning with passion for Christ and compassion for the lost, it has become hard as stone, dull and lifeless and yet we profess we love the One who was pierced for our sake.

So I ask O God that you will stir our affection for Your Son, Jesus. Stir our heart!
We can only truly love the lost if we learn to love You genuinely.

an old story of mine

2010-01-04T00:24:00.000-08:00

My precious Mother,
Have you given your child unreservedly
to the Lord for whatever He wills?..
Oh, may He strengthen you to say “Yes”
to Him if He asks something which costs.
Darling mother, for a long time as you know
the thought of those dying in the dark –
Fifty thousand of them every day
while we at home live in the midst of blazing light –
has been very present with me,
and the longing to go to them,
and tell them of Jesus, has been strong upon me.
Everything, everything seemed to be saying “Go,”
Through all the sounds the cry seemed to rise,
“Come over and help us.” Every bit of pleasure or
work which has come to me, has had underlying it
the thought of these people who have never,
never heard of Jesus…

But home claims seemed to say “Stay,”
and I thought it was His Will; it was perhaps,
until yesterday. I cant explain it, but lately the
need seems to have come closer, and I wrote
down a few days ago, just to have it in
black and white, why I am not going

Your need of me, my Mother
The great loneliness it would
mean to my second Father.
The thought that by staying I might make
it easier for others to go if He called.
My not being strong.

But… yesterday... I went to my room and just asked
the Lord what it all meant, what did He wish me to do,
and, mother, as clearly as I ever heard you speak,
I heard Him say “GO YE”

Several days later Amy received her mother’s answer:

Darling, when He asks you now to go away
from within my reach, can I say nay?
No, no, Amy; He is yours – you are His –
to take you where He pleases and to
use you as He pleases. I can trust you to Him,
and I do

Can I comprehend what Amy is trying to tell her mother? I do, I do understand completely. When I was 15 years old after my personal conversion with the Lord, I am filled with passion for Christ and compassion for the lost, a great burden which I know it came straight from the Lord’s heart. I am overwhelmed with Christ love until one day I approached my mother and told her my desire to serve the Lord unreservedly and even to the point of dying for Him and His gospel if it’s necessary. To reach the unloved, the lost, the street kids to give them hope and a future instead of being the victim of human trafficking, the unreached people group. I even want to help persecuted churches. Well her respond was a bit discouraging. She looked at me and asked me gently “are you crazy?” …I was struck by her answer and I went inside my room and really think a deep thought of what I have spoken, i asked God to examined my heart and asked myself am i willing?.

I remember when my sister shared about the street kids in the city where she lived. One day she was passing by when a Father from a catholic church came by and gave them food to eat, as the Catholic priest sat on the street he was talking to a boy and what really touched my heart is when my sister saw the boy shed a tear, maybe the priest asked him about his family or maybe he’s encouraging the boy, I’m not really sure.

But that very account ignite my passion to someday go back to my “hometown” (though I was not born there but I left my heart there) and do exactly what Amy Carmichael has in her heart when she was a teenager…

When I grow up and money have,
I know what I will do,
I’ll build a great big lovely place
For little girls like you. –Amy

it's been 5 years now since the day the Lord spoke to my heart to build a "great big, lovely place" for the street kids, the least that I can do is to pray for them, many times I had sleepless night knowing that there are kids dying in the dark without Christ, sometimes I can hear their cry and it was almost as if real that I can feel their agony deep within me, knowing that they are abandon by families and friends and in their stricken soul the necessity of a Savior is needed.

As for my mum’s question, I’ll conclude that yes, I am crazy indeed. Crazy for Christ, in fact weeks before she passed away she told one of our family friends that she don’t want any man to become a hindrance for us to keep serving the Lord, she want us to fulfill what God has called us to do.

I don’t know how and when I will start to build a " great big lovely place" for these lovely street kids, there are times where i doubt God and His promises but the Holy Spirit always reminded and comforted me that it was GOd who put this vision in me, He has started it He will also finished it. He will bring it to pass in His time, “He has made everything beautiful in His time” Ecclesiastes 3. As I wait patiently and rely in His mighty hand I will continue to serve here faithfully where I’m currently staying until the day where He will “gather me out of the nations where He sent me and will bring me home again to my own land.”" Jeremiah 29

half day!!!

2009-12-30T18:40:00.001-08:00

we will work half day today...yippiee!!! thank you Lord:)

i told God last night, please make a miracle today. make it ha alf day working. actually my boss told us yesterday but i didnt heard it not until this morning while preparing my breakfast my workmate told me today we'll work only half day...hehehee... i wanted to go home early because i wanted to prepare myself, they just informed me yesterday and requested me to lead the worship tomorrow for our combine worship and prayer session from 9am-11 at our new church building.. i was hesitant at first because im really tired this past few weeks, i didnt get enough sleep (i think so)..hehehe... but then i remember that i have devote myself FIRST for God and his service. i remember what i have vowed to him so ya, with a joyful heart i said yes and though it's a last minute thing. please pray for me...thanks:)

covenant sanctuary part 2...

2009-12-29T23:36:00.000-08:00

as being requested by my biut-tiful and 'healthy' sisterssss (yesterday she told me they went to jog..haha!)..anyways,here's the pix

taken during our practice session, right after all the church members 'gotong royong' to clean up the church...

ok dont get me wrong..this is not stairway to heaven..this is stairway to our P.A room..up there.. see that window?..there's a room up there specially for the person who controls the sound etc.

ok down here: that's the main entrance down there...see?..

for the mean time, waiting for the new chair to come. we're using our old chair..it still look great and in good condition :)...

that's me and the rest of the musician...

new year....

2009-12-29T22:31:00.000-08:00

one more day to go...HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!! :)... time flew so fast...my cousin kept telling me she cant believe we're entering 2010.hehehe...im preparing myself much in prayer and examining my heart, i wanted to move on like million people out there but i want it to be real,not just profess it, not just on my lips but really move on and let go things that i've been carrying and struggling for these past few months.i ain't carrying it..no more... i know the only person that can help me to 'make everything new' is God thru his Holy Spirit. regrets, i believe we all do have regrets we kept and without realizing it we hid it behind our heart. i do have one... two actually...hehheee...more than that... first about my mum. second, when i met him. if i could turn back the time, i wish i could make things right and say the words that i wanted to say. IF... IF... IF.. i didnt realize im carrying it, not until the Holy Spirit revealed while i was praying. God is good...he is good..

new year, new year..new year resolution?...most people will have this one long list of what they want to do or achieved for the coming new year, and by the month of june they will achive none and most people will forget what they have wrote and miss place their paper. one of them is me..yes...me...hehehhee...

so i've changed my 'new year resolution' since last year...instead of writing down what I WANT to do and accomplish for the next year, i choose to follow what God has told me earlier through his word. what i am called to do...

Jeremiah 29:
4 This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies,
the God of Israel, says to all the captives
he has exiled to Babylon from Jerusalem:
5 “Build homes, and plan to stay.
Plant gardens, and eat the food they produce.
6 Marry and have children.
Then find spouses for them so
that you may have many grandchildren.
Multiply! Do not dwindle away!
7 And work for the peace and prosperity
of the city where I sent you into exile.
Pray to the Lord for it,
for its welfare will determine your welfare.”
8 This is what the Lord of Heaven’s Armies,
the God of Israel, says:
“Do not let your prophets and
fortune-tellers who are with you in the land
of Babylon trick you. Do not listen to their dreams,
9 because they are telling you lies in my name.
I have not sent them,” says the Lord.
10 This is what the Lord says:
“You will be in Babylon for seventy years.
But then I will come and do for you all the
good things I have promised,
and I will bring you home again.
11 For I know the plans I have for you,”
says the Lord. “They are plans for good
and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.
12 In those days when you pray, I will listen.
13 If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me.
14 I will be found by you,” says the Lord.
“I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes.
I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you
and will bring you home again to your own land.”

at first (it was 5years ago) i received this word fresh from the Lord, i was puzzled and confused, though some of the word do make sense (1 or 2 verses only) the rest is just 'out' for me...hehhehe.. but as time goes by i slowly get it...as i grow older and my surrounding have abruptly changed. these verses do make sense.

as for this next verse, it really has a profound meaning for me personally, even the whole chapter of 2 timothy 4.

2 timothy 4
5 But you should keep a clear mind in every situation.
Don’t be afraid of suffering for the Lord.
Work at telling others the Good News,
and fully carry out the ministry God has given you.

and im excited to see what God has in store for his people next year.
i know suffering, trials and hardship awaits but His grace abounds...

so tel me, what's your new year resolution?

how's ur Christmas?

2009-12-27T16:36:00.000-08:00

me?...ok for 3days we slept at 4 in the morning...overall it was pretty fun...there's so much that i want to share but i dont feel like typing it (actually i dont know where to start..) hahahha :P..

*things running thru my head*

i saw my poll, what do they think about my blog..and there's 2 new votes...THANKS!! to all of you who voted eventhough we dont know each other.heheheee.i really appreciate it...God bless you...

i managed to buy Christmas gift for daddy and mummy...for the first time from my own pocket after working for 2 and a half years... i dont want to be selfish and i want to learn to bless others.i dont want to be stingy.God loves a cheerful giver..seriously, i didnt buy any new clothes or any new stuff for myself this christmas, but i feel great and blessed when i see people smile from cheek to cheek for something that i can afford to bless them...

this christmas i determined to buy something for them,even when it's a bit expensive but compared to what they have done for us, 2 bodyshop perfume is not enough... my cousin told me that i dont have to buy "bodyshop" stuff (what she meant is i dont have to bother myself..awww..sweet cuzn geyrin..hehehehe), but i know daddy and mummy is a fan of bodyshop perfume...hehehee... give 'till it hurts...and guess what? i feel great! esp when i see them smile esp daddy (he really likes it)...and she continue that mummy and daddy do not need us to give them stuff in order for them to love us (did i say it correctly cuzzie?..heehhe) well, something like that...hahahaa... it's just a token of love from my family to both of them..

ok let me explain this a lil' bit

my mummy and daddy are my cousin's parents
my mum's sister got married with an indian man whom we called daddy they are like our 2nd parents.

as for my own biological parents i called them
mamang and papang
two people that i love to death!... :)

my daddy and mummy treated us and love us like their own children...
and that's why i said even when i buy tons of body shop's perfume it's not enough compared to what they have done for us...it's never enough...never... and i am very blessed that they are part of us, that they are our family. i can write tons of stuff about them but i think i should stop here because im very good at blabbering and talking and you'll be bored reading this...hahahaa...

bla bla bla...

2009-12-22T19:05:00.000-08:00

shout out
MErRy CHRISTmas
and BLeSsED New YEAR!!!!
geeee...ifeel weird for this Christmas...suddenly i felt tired doing the same old things.
really...i dont know...within me collide...

PEACE...

2009-12-20T22:00:00.000-08:00

Saturday was our Christmas celebration combine service held in our new church building,
I was leading the worship for the first time in a long time, after being in ‘sabatical mode’ for few months.
There were 5hundred plus people coming and I was really nervous.
Seriously…really, really nervous. It went well tho, Glory to God!...
Salvation upon men and Glory to God. that was all I prayed for the whole day.
I don’t want people to look at me and our worship team because really
we’re not that great and it’s not a show we want to put up instead we ask God for salvation upon men and Glory to God..

Anywho, so our overseer shared from the book of Luke,
when the angels announced

Luke 2:14 (KJV)
14Glory to God in the highest, and on earth peace, good will toward men.

PEACE. He emphasize on that word.PEACE.
let me see if im not mistaken,
in greek they called it IRENE (perfect peace)
in Hebrew they called it SHALOM

1) completeness, soundness, welfare, peace
1a) completeness (in number)
1b) safety, soundness (in body)
1c) welfare, health, prosperity
1d) peace, quiet, tranquility, contentment
1e) peace, friendship
1e1) of human relationships
1e2) with God especially in covenant relationship
1f) peace (from war)
1g) peace (as adjective)

I wanted to share this because last night while attending one of our church cell group,
they were discussing also on this matter. PEACE.
So each one will have their turn to share from our own experience.
There were many diff stories of how God works in their life and experineced peace.
So it was my turn and to be honest since the day I had
this personal conversion with Christ,
I was at peace, I started to taste peace when I really get to know Christ,
the prince of peace.

But the most remarkable moment is when
we knew that my mum wont make it in her battle with cancer.
I felt peace of letting her go but I remember that
I insisted the Lord should heal her even when i know
deep deep down in me the Lord wanted to take her.
i cannot deny that i felt peace in and out of me,
my family also felt the same thing though it's painful.
it's like a thorn in our flesh but His grace is sufficient.

PEACE is one of the fruit of the Spirit.
I remember vividly, after my mum was disoriented in the hospital,
I asked my dad to switch my place because
I really need to find peace within my soul. It was chaos.
After reaching home I shut myself inside the room.
I open my bible in front of me.
And I cried a loud, yes I cried aloud.
man! I never cried that hard ever in my life. I did.
I asked God to calm my soul, I asked that I will go through
that process in stillness and with pure joy
(i thought,it was impossible for someone
to felt peace while facing death)

Gosh! Even at this moment I still can feel that very moment
I went out from that room, after hours of travailing,
crying out and wrestle with God,
there was this perfect peace gripped my soul.

Peace is not the absence of conflict.
the problem is still there but
there were peace in us and all over us.
not just emotional but also in every aspect, the Lord provide.
When I look back at those moment I can smile and Praise Him
for being such a good God. Seeing her breathless and motionless
was a thorn in my flesh, utterly painful but a blissful moment
knowing she’s at rest and at peace.

I believe it was the peace of God that kept me sane till this day.
It was truly not by my own strength, it was God, his perfect peace.
His peace manifest in us, when people came and shared how they are blessed seeing us at peace. How calmly we face this excruciating moments. It was because we are assured that she’s in a better place and
we are assured that God will continue to work in us,
will continue to provide in and out of season.

Philippians 4:6-8 (KJV)
6Be careful for nothing; but in every thing by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known unto God.
7And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus

This verse is so meaningful to me.
This is the verse that the Lord gave to comfort me.
Truly His peace kept my heart and mind.

The world is in chaos at this moment with all the climate change,
the economic problem, all the immorality and etc.
everyone is trying to find peace whether in religion,
entertainment, worldly pleasure, sports, fashion and other stuff.
They fail to see the only place that they can gain peace is
by inviting the Prince of Peace in their heart that is Jesus.

Glory to God in the highest! Peace and goodwill towards all mankind:)

ya ampun!!

2009-12-20T17:05:00.000-08:00

ya ampun!!! ya ampun!!! *speechlessss* selepas baca berita pasal 'leader Episcopal' respon... ya ampun!! drg benarkan lesbian jadi bishop...what the heck?!..seriously, aku bukan menentang org2 yang gay tho i will not tolerate with that kind of sin BUT it's insane to put this person as a bishop!...di dalam nama kristian...ya ampun!!!... dan yang sot nya lagi salah satu bishop yang support ini kegilaan pernah buat statement yang Tuhan Yesus bukan lah satu2nya jalan kehidupan dan kepada Bapa..did i read it correctly?!..yes...that's what she said...punyalah kebodohan!..haaaaaaiiihhhhh....memang dunia ni mau kiamat sudah...seriously, drg mengutuk nama Tuhan macam tu...they thought they are 'holy'..i mean what's wrong with their head? what's inside their brain? drg ndak takut ka sama Tuhan...kebodohan yang teramat sangat... bagus drg buat cult sendiri dari menghancurkan tubuh kristus... drg ndak takut ka judgement Tuhan?...they thot God is dead, pasal Tuhan diam saja for a season doesnt mean he's going to keep quiet forever..kebodohan yang teramat sangat...sangaaaaattttt....sangaaaaatttt!!!!....

pictures!

2009-12-20T16:20:00.001-08:00

few pictures while visiting my mum's graveyard....

missing reading...

2009-12-18T19:18:00.001-08:00

it's been a while since i havent read any book.
i missed sitting in my room and read a a book.
im thinking what kind of book i should look for?
aside from bible i dont know what sepsific book i should read.
any suggestion?
i want a christian book of course...
*thinking*
i remember when i heard first about my mum diagnosed with cancer.
i couldnt understand what im feeling, i couldnt grasp and gather my emotion.
as i sit and wait upon God in my sister's room, then i noticed there's this one book
'beyond ourselves' by catherine marshal.. though the title was not really attractive i can say.
i can feel a conviction to read it. so i took that book and i began to read.
i read and read, and never stopped.
God was really speaking to me thru her life's story
and of course thru his word as a confirmation.
she experinced loosing her loved one and sickness
but she found God in all this thing.
she saw the mighty hand of God in her weaknesses.
she felt the peace of God in her brokenness.
i recommend all of you to read this book :)...

im back...

2009-12-18T17:15:00.000-08:00

i couldnt get online yesterday..it was a public holiday yesterday and i woke up at 11 after that went straight to church and i was surprised seeing a lot of our church member 'gotong royong' to clean up our new church building and i thought only the youth will be there i didnt expect ALL the church member will lend a hand..and it was beautiful seeing the youth, the kids, from english and bahasa department came and help to decorate and clean up the church. well i arrived late, but i did found something to do. hehehe..tho i feel really guilty at that moment.

and tonight we'll have our first service in our new church building. after finishing doing our work we sat and just look around. i cant believe somehow that we're in our new church building. PRAISE GOD!..all glory to God...im going to lead the worship tonight. im pretty scared, it's been a while since i 'rest' from music ministry and here i am for the first time in a long time leading hundred of people (it's a combine service and christmas celebration)..i rely on you Lord...seriously...im depending on you God...

so here some of the pix of our new church building...

God and I

2009-12-15T19:22:00.000-08:00

GOD. he deserve to be praise, he deserve EVERYTHING.
i even owe my life to him.
He deserve to be love and worship.
the least that i can do is to die for His sake
because of his unfailing love towards me

I. what do i deserve?
the only thing that i deserve is death!
yes, dead in my transgression and iniquities.

GOD. for God so loved the world
He gave His son.
Christ was not sentenced to die
but he told His Father
"let me take the sin of the world upon me,
because they know not what they do"

I. He saw that i need a savior
So God send and Christ came, clothed in human flesh
He know that every soul needs a savior.
yes, every soul needs a savior

drink deeply...

2009-12-15T18:50:00.000-08:00

as i read thru my friend's email. i noticed that i also received the same thing from God. as we all know, Christmas is just around the corner.even when december approached. i've been praying that i will truly understand this special season in my life.

PERSONAL UNDERSTANDING. Not the sunday school type
of understanding about Christmas
but a pure understanding and conviction that
comes from the Holy Spirit of what Christmas is all about.
Not just a general knowledge about Christmas,
it's not how much do i know about Jesus birth story
or his family tree, geneology or geographically
or the exact date and season when he was born.
or how many christmas carols i can memorize.
but the kind of knowledge that brought me to my knees
knowing that i am doom to die if Christ didnt came to earth.
the kind of knowledge that will increase
my love towards my Jesus.
the kind of knowledge that brings conviction to my heart
acknowledging that my soul needs a Savior.
the kind of knowledge that will make my heart overflows
with thanksgiving and new songs of love.

and yes the Holy Spirit unveiled the truth one by one.
i am overwhelmed as He explain.
"For God so loved the world"
blows me away as i truly understood what it meant.

king solomon wrote,
"...Oh, lover and beloved, eat and drink!Yes, drink deeply of your love!"
in holman's bible translation wrote,
" Eat, friends! Drink, be intoxicated with love! "

monday night the Lord spoke in my heart if i want to understand his love dont calculate (because his love is beyond measure, our logic cannot contain his unfailing love) but drink deeply of His love, yes drink. until it satisfy you. i simply read his word and the
Holy spirit unveiled the truth, all i did is drink...
drink deeply of His love.
the more i understand this love story the more i am
intoxicated by his unfailing love.
Christmas is a love story of a Creator and His creation.

let me see..

2009-12-15T18:35:00.000-08:00

my friend recently emailed me about her dream. to be honest at first i was reluctant to read (hehehe..peace:p)... i thought it'll will a normal dream with indistinct message. as i read and read, it was a powerful dream. One that has a powerful message.

Then I move my head to my left side slowly

where the window placed which is 5 feet away from me,
thinking and expecting it might be a ghost and see with

my two eyes a blurry shadow man

(because of the spot on the window)

descending from the sky almost touch the ground

for a minute with barbed wire as the crown on his head

and wound still bleeding in all over his body with fabric,

clothing only the down part of his body and

immediately I know that it was Jesus

and the whole of my body, including my hand and feet

lay down straight with face on the ground,

not able to face Him because I know,

I very know on the spot and on that very moment

that He is WORTHY and I am unworthy

and on that very moment also I told myself

how can I not known, how can I not feel,

how can I not AWARE of how WORTHY He is

when I was in the real world, when I was living my daily life,

or when I was sinning and wound Him

for all my transgression and lawless deed???

This happen less than a minute then He ascending again

to the sky above and wasn't able to see Him anymore

because of the limitation size of the window.

Then I wake up. It was a dream.

i know it's more than a dream.

matthew 5, blessed are those who have a pure heart for they will see God.

and she continued...

I can't help but feel restless and cried for awhile.

Because His worthiness I can still feel and

experience even after I wake up.

Isaiah and Peter felt the same thing. when they saw who God is, His glory and the true reality of Christ they fall face down and isaiah cried out

Isaiah 6:5

"Woe to me!" I cried. "I am ruined! For I am a man of unclean lips, and I live among a people of unclean lips, and my eyes have seen the King, the LORD Almighty."

whenever i see Christ i saw what a great sinner i am, a sinner condemed, unclean.

my weaknesses reflect God's glory in my life.

God is soo beautiful.

Brain damaging Habits

2009-12-15T18:29:00.000-08:00

1. No Breakfast

People who do not take breakfast are going to have a lower blood sugar level. This leads to an insufficient supply of nutrients to the brain causing brain degeneration.

2 . Overeating=2 0

It causes hardening of the brain arteries, leading to a decrease in mental power.

3. Smoking

It causes multiple brain shrinkage and may lead to Alzheimer disease.

4. High Sugar consumption

Too much sugar will interrupt the absorption of proteins and nutrients causing malnutrition and may interfere with brain development.

5. Air Pollution

The brain is the largest oxygen consumer in our 20 body. Inhaling polluted air decreases the supply of oxygen to the brain, bringing about a decrease in brain efficiency.

6 . Sleep Deprivation

Sleep allows our brain to rest.. Long term deprivation from sleep will accelerate the death of brain cells..

7. Head covered while sleeping

Sleeping with the head covered increases the concentration of carbon dioxide and decrease concentration of oxygen that may lead to brain damaging effects.

8. Working your brain during illness

Working hard or studying with sickness may lead to a decrease in effectiveness of the brain as well as damage the brain.

9. Lacking in stimulating thoughts

Thinking is the best way to train our brain, lacking in brain stimulation thoughts may cause brain shrinkage.

10. Talking Rarely

Intellectual conversations will promote the efficiency of the brain

2009-12-14T18:10:00.000-08:00

i feel like saying this

Holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty...

Yes, You are holy Lord...

Christmas season..

2009-12-14T16:39:00.000-08:00

if you do not want to hear ramblings and a lot of blah, blah, blah...please click on the next blog...

why do i hate Christmas?...actually it's not christmas to be exact. i mean end of the year...why do christmas fall on the end of the year? who's the person in charge of putting christmas at the end of the year?..i have no idea and im too lazy to google it up.. im tired..i want to sleeeeeeeppppp.i slept at 1 last night, came late from carroling... i love and amazed by the true meaning of Christmas. God gave His Son, He love us deeply but gosh!! all the activities and program overlook the true meaning of it... there are so many sounds and music, so many shopping list and food (yum..yumm :p )...i think food would be ok on this festive season..hahhaa...anyways, my point is. we concentrate so much on decorations and gifts, putting much effort on the outer look, spending money on unneccesary stuff...but how about our inner self? does our heart feel peace on this christmas season?do our soul felt true joy? when i was small i describe christmas as loud, music and dance, well nothing wrong with that...and beside it's my family tradition to dance in every occasion...ok im not saying the kind of dance that you can find in pub, club ect. we dance waltz, cha-cha and others (i know it's lame..hehehe). we have this hispanic blood running thru our vein so yeah. i think my family are pretty weird for asian people since most asian countries are not so expressive, reserve, very shy (except for phillipines) we dance we sing and we laughed till the dawn comes. some people cannot except it but many enjoyed it...ok were was i?...blah..blahh.. blahh... hhmmmmm...o yeah, so..i thought the more the merrier, the merrier the more it'll sound like Christmas...but as i grow up physically and spiritually i've learned that even in quietness i can also celebrate and feel genuine peace and perfect joy. my mum used to tell me before. when we get older you'll be more 'quiet', as you matured in age you'll find serenity more attractive. yeah, i agree... ill get this back as soon as possible. i think all i need today is my pillow, my thick blanket and my bed...i need to sleep!!!!...

Everything

2009-12-13T16:26:00.000-08:00

God in my living

There in my breathing

God in my waking

God in my sleeping

God in my resting

There in my working

God in my thinking

God in my speaking

Be my everything

God in my hoping

There in my dreaming

God in my watching

God in my waiting

God in my laughing

There in my weeping

God in my hurting

God in my healing

Christ in me

Christ in me the hope of glory

You are everything

Christ in me

Christ in me the hope of glory

Be my everything

1 Corinthians 10:31 (KJV)
Whether therefore ye eat, or drink,

or whatsoever ye do, do all to the glory of God.

i dont know how important this is in other people's life. living for God's glory. im currently reading R.A Torrey book called the power of prayer and it really make me realize that how much i need revival and how important it is for me to live a godly life. a holy life. He must be in every department of my life. i noticed the verse, it didnt stated "whether therefore ye pray, or fast.." it is written, as you can read. EAT and DRINK. meaning, even the simplest and tiniest thing we do, our everyday activities, our everyday chores, our everyday routine. we should DO ALL TO THE GLORY OF GOD. like the song above. Christ should be in EVERYTHING. whether in my facebooking or emailing. whether in the way i dress up or the way i speak. if i want God to be glorified in my family church or community, GOd must be first glorified in my life. He must be a 'real thing' in me. even as i wrote all these, im also struggling everyday to be more Christ like. i know His Spirit will pull me through. this is my prayer.

tired!!!

2009-12-11T16:30:00.000-08:00

hi:) last thursday we went to telupid. we took off from sandakan around 7.30am. after visiting all the prisoners families in telupid. kg. intelibon, kg. buis, kg. ansuan, kg.???...ok i forgot the name...we arrived home in sandakan around 11pm.anyways, it was tiring but i really enjoyed the trip... we walked how many miles, we cross the river and went inside, inside, inside the interior. man! it was crazy, thinking that there's so many people living inside. i was surprised of how many local people were still living inside, they were not exposed with internet and others.hahaha..seriously... i'll post out our pictures soon.

now im soooooooo busy, the prison christmas celebration is just around the corner and there's so many things need to be done. and yesterday we just finished packed 700 gifts away for the prisoners, belivers and unbelievers. we manage to pack all 700 gift in one day, 4people were helping me and o ya, 3 kids..hhehehe...thank you Lord for their willingness to help.my back pain is killing me this past 2days...

ok, talking about the visit.when i saw all the local people, hear their stories and saw how they lived their life. i dont know somehow i felt im in love with this people. sudenly compassion, deep compassion entwined my heart.though i cannot understand what they are saying but somehow i can feel their burden and sufferings. we visited all the families that has become victim of their father's sin. i want to share more about this trip but i have to go now. im going inside the prison to visit the prisoners and we're going to take 100 bibles inside to give them during christmas celebration...im excited!!!...yay:)!

why, why, why Delilah...

2009-12-08T18:47:00.000-08:00

Past few weeks I felt free, peaceful and FREEE!!..heehhehe. I felt I do gain my privacy life back.
I’m talking about social networking. I’ve deleted all my account in any website that I’m in. though all these is not my main reason why I took this decision.

They keep on asking me. Why? Why? Why?... why do I delete my account. What’s the big deal? Why you delete your account Sheila?

I do ask myself again and again. And it’s not worth answering them. I mean they will not understand.

When I open my account, I saw all the pictures, how I have lived my life, I saw all the words that I’ve spoken and written. I saw all the nonsense I did.hahaha… and I hate it. yes, there were happy moments and ect but I don’t want to stay the same, I don’t want to do the same thing, living the same life, having the same mentality, speaking the same words, laughing the same jokes, tolerating the same sin and others.

Deleting all my account is just a symbol of me letting go of my past. It’s just a symbol. looking at my old photos challenged me to change. i know people kept telling me i've changed drastically, but im not content. i want GOd to change me more like him.When I deleted my account, It felt terrible but im telling myself that im going to let go off my past and be a changed person by God's grace. i will not dwell in my past failures, my past hurts, my past dissapoinments.

In these past few years, there are so many things I’ve experienced, the wonderful, blissful moments and also hellish moments. Where I told God just take my life, unfortunately I’m still breathing… hehehe. I’m just telling myself that all this social networking have no authority over my life coz I felt I’m addicted to it. For some they will just laugh all the way though they know they’ve addicted to something that doesn’t worth at all. I’ve wasted hours and hours doing social networking, wasted money and my energy.

Like what I’ve said, it’s just a symbol. Social networking is not evil, really, it’s not.
This action that I’ve taken, it’s not applicable to some…hahhaa… this is my personal opinion and conviction; I felt this is the right thing. It didn’t do any good thing in my life for the past few years. I don’t want to remain in the same place and doing the same thing over and over again.

The Lord is dealing with me since the day my mum went to be with the Lord until today. And the Holy Spirit has work tremendously in and out of me, reminding me and encouraging me to make things right in my life, those little2 things that at first I thought was not a big deal actually it is. To make things right between me and God and towards others.

it's time to clean this old house, time to leave all the madness behind, time to move on, time to leave what is unnecessary, leave what is temporal chase what is eternal:)...

I was reading this book called “the power of prayer”by R.A Torrey. he mentioned, we profess ourselves Christian but does God rule in EVERY DEPARTMENT of our life?
The word “every department” just makes me ponder over my life… does he?
Does he rule over my speech? My thoughts? My facebooking? My every decision?

In the book of 2 timothy and Titus, Paul encouraged both to LIVE our life according to God’s word... "In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us...So that in every way they will make the teaching about God our Savior attractive” Does my account reflect God? I don’t know, but I don’t think so..hehehe..

I’m going to make a new one in near future but this time I want to make it right. I want to delight my self in the Lord in every thing that I do. EVERYTHING!

But for this season I want to take a break from social networking and examine my life. I really enjoyed this privacy at this moment and it really make me more focused to what i've been called to do.

And for some reason, my heart felt peace after deleting all my account. I don’t know why, but I felt peace and I know I’m doing the right thing. People can say whatever they want. My sister called me weird…hahhahaa… but I am assured with my decision because I have this peace: )

after reading all these, you dont have to agree with me, seriously...hehhee..

To devote oneself to Christ is the most fulfilling life I can say.

one by one

2009-12-06T23:26:00.000-08:00

define your building sphere...

i will define/elaborate and explain one by one. what i've received from God this past few years. it will take time, i need to dig my old boxes looking for all my notebooks. i noticed there's a link from what i received 5years back until recently. im going to pick pieces by pieces. *thinking deep thought*

wacky weekend!

2009-12-06T21:36:00.001-08:00

SATURDAY...
right after we finished doing our hair..edelyn love her new hair cut..

passing thru...

brian, edelyn, richard adn joanne...

yeah, she missed richard so much..you dont have to hugged him tightly edelyn...hehehe

me and donald...

me and joanne..2min break from our choir practice..

SUNDAY....

again...the same faces...hehehe

after our sunday service...

revenge?

funny faces 1

funny faces 2...lolz...my nose is big...yyeeerrr....hahhah

funny faces 3

funny faces 4....

what a tiring weekend. but we manage and by God's grace, able to smile and laugh throughout the day, it was crazy! all the practices in one day, running here and there, attending our friend's engagement party, combine sercives, interchurch c'mas celebration and etc..

Childrens camp part II

2009-12-06T20:55:00.001-08:00

while waiting their turn to use the toilet..

smile kids!:)

lina and kristy

hahaha...waiting for mary taking her bath. as usual.. picture, pisture:P

joanne and kristy...

here they are, taking picture without me!!!...

kristy and pinky

at last..thats my face..hehehe

aira, gloria...busy talking and playing...heheheh

new hair...

2009-12-06T17:02:00.000-08:00

yeah, i went to saloon with my cousin to get our hair done. i dont really know how to make my hair stylish at the same time i dont have to spent hours in front of the mirror fixing my hair. so i did. i just cut my bangs shorter. it's much more easier for me everyday going to work witht his new hair i dont have to worry or even comb...lol...just fix it with my hands and bang! im ready to go:)... ill post my picture soon...

good news:)

2009-12-04T19:18:00.000-08:00

it was such a great relieve when i read the news about two women was imprisoned for their faith in Christ. i've been praying for them and i believe thousands believers around the world also doing the same thing and God is faithful. after being interrogated, being persecuted and etc. they were released. PRAISE GOD!!!..the first time i read their story i was soooooooo encouraged and blown away by their faith and love for Christ.though i never met them and know them (vice versa) but somehow i felt i ought to uphold them in my prayer. for more info click the url below...

http://www.persecution.com/public/newsroom.aspx?story_ID=MjA0&featuredstory_ID=OTQ%3d&clickfrom=ZmVhdHVyZWRzdG9yaWVz

new goal?

2009-12-03T19:25:00.000-08:00

ok...after much thinking and thinking...hahhahaaa....i've decided...this is hillarious... i've decided to gain weight!!! yes you red it correctly, gain weight in proper way. Yes, i know this sound weird while others are trying to loose weight, advertisement promoting weight loss product and here i am trying to gain weight. hahahhaa...this is a funny idea for me but yeah i feel i want to try. let me tell you my history, my mum is skinny i mean when they were young they were skinny. my father side has the same story. they are not surprise when we grew up being skinny and ahem! pretty..hahaha...because they were once like that. it was after getting married my mum gain weight (and she like to diet when her clothes doesnt fit her) my auntie shared a tips, to combine milo and bovril...seriously...gross! the smell..yuck! but it works..it really works...for her...i did once and i gave up bc i was too lazy at that time...hahha...so naturally me and my sister was born beautifully and skinny...hahhaa...i remember kate mose somehow...lolz...anyways, no matter how much i ate, im still skinny and i've come to conclusion that i'll do something about this, at least i'll try. exercise and eat more!..hehehhe.it's not that i dont appreciate who i am but in my personal opinion i dont really like being too skinny. .hahhaa...last night while chit-chating with my cousin and auntie we saw E! news and it really blew me off, i felt disgusting how hollywood artist's and youngster crave to be in size zero. unbelieveable. i told my cousin maybe i would be a successful model in L.A since im naturally skinny.hahahha...anywho...so yeah...let me start by writing down what i should do and plan ahead...here we goooo...wish me luck peeps!:) hahahhaha..i still find this hillarious...lolz...so God help me in my quest:)...

so here's a website where i found and it's pretty interesting compared to others...
http://www.instructables.com/id/How-to-Gain-Weight-%3a-A-Guide-For-Skinny-People/

NY state lawmakers reject gay marriage bill

2009-12-02T16:34:00.000-08:00

i dont really know who's Sen. ruben Diaz but i agree with what he said...read this article..

http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/us_gay_marriage_ny

AFTER the leadership seminar...picturesss...

2009-12-01T22:36:00.000-08:00

what will happen when you have a baby, a camera and 3charlie's angel? a.k.a the powerpuff girls!!!heheheee....

of course they will pose politely at first...

then they'll grab the baby, fighting with each other who will carry this cutie lil baby. unfortunately joanne won :(...hehehe

then they will continue to take more pictures with same face and pose....

they'll try to make funny face that scares the baby away and ended up crying...lol

and again same pose with same faces....

awww..joanne!!she can just carry a baby with one hand and throw them up and down without making the baby cry leaving us impressed with my friend...she learned from experience..she had nieces and nephewsssssssss....hehehhee

take one: failed!

ok..take two: she's pissed off and sleepy...hehehhe

chistmas deco:)

2009-12-01T18:21:00.000-08:00

taken from the inside...

i lurveee this snow frost tho it took few hours to do all these from cutting to cleaning up..

snow man in sandakan!! he survived amidst hot weather...yeaaahhh!!

as we all know christmas is just around the corner sooooo....me and my madam in the office was thinking to make the decoration different and simple...so here you go...we used snow spray and let our creativity play with it which make our boss left impressed by our masterpiece...hahahha...

i want to leave with this, Christmas is more than trees and gifts and expansive deco it's more than that...it's about a Man, was born to save mankind. it's about the Creator's love, his deep affection towards his creation. He gave his Son for us, sinner condemed, unclean. to save our soul from hell.Even IF i do not have the trees and santa and others which makes the unbelievers confused why we celebrate christmas. i still can celebrate the real meaning of Christmas deep in my heart, thanking for his undying love towards us and to love others in return.

Forget the trees, save the people! :)

Childrens camp taken from my phone

2009-12-01T17:50:00.000-08:00

that's me, just came back from work went straight to the camp which is nearby my working place..hehehe...

brian.... waiting for his turn to use the bathroom..it was packed with kids..hehehhe...

this is our puppet team for the first night..they were awesome! thanks guys:)

me and steven... this one also..unbelieveable. before, his height was just below my shoulder and i remember when he was just a boy (and he is still..heheh) he always wants to join everything including youth camp tho he was just 12 yrs old at that time and i have to take the risk bringing him and be his nanny..hahaha... ok sheila...come on..people grow up...what do you expect?...hehhehehe...

this is edwin and edward joining the camp from west malaysia...they are so tall after a long time didnt see these boys...geee..they grew so fast...hahaha...2years ago they are so small andddd.......small....hahahha...

most of the pictures was taken during the last day. i wasnt able to join day time of the camp since im working :(...all the silly, crazy pix we've taken are in the digital cam.. it'll take some time for me to upload all the pictures...gggrrrr...

pictures!! uploaded from my phone

2009-12-01T17:32:00.001-08:00

ok so i woke up today feeling good (i dont know why)...hehehe..and suddenly i have this 'mood' to upload some of the pictures inside my phone and some of the recent activities we had in our church... this is my friend surprise birthday party at church. he have no idea about this. ahem! thanks to all the actors and actresses who acted very well, we invited him to join our carroling practice and asked him to help the boys group..hahhaha...and tadaaaa!! happy birthday donald!!!

hahhaa..this is hillarious..brian kissed him using malani's lipstick...yaiks! hahaha...we have this term in our youth called 'ciuman kudus' (holy kiss)...actually it all started when we attended one service in st.micheal church then the pastor shared about greeting our brother and sister in Christ. in middle east people will greet their fellow brother with a kiss but not with a lipstick...hehheee....

my heart..

2009-11-30T23:02:00.000-08:00

this is my mum's xray... few weeks before the cancer reached her lungs.. so yeah, Hi mother:)...hehehe...dont worry she'll forgive me for using her x-ray for artsy stuff...hahaha... i think she'll love this:)....hehehee...hhmmm...missed her so much...

rambling and bla bla..

2009-11-30T22:41:00.000-08:00

there are 1hundred plus pictures i've taken during our childrens camp...and gosh! im so lazy to upload it...i mean this past few days im too lazy to do anything...hahahhaa... i have to kick my own butt to finish all my unfinished task before new year....yay!!! new year...i hate new year, i mean im excited at the same time im too lazy for new 'adventures'...haaaiiihhh...i dont know what im talking about i think im hungry...*pause*...i smell peanut butter...yum..yum..

Leadership Seminar

2009-11-30T17:03:00.000-08:00

what makes a man devote himself to equip group of people without even getting anything in return?what makes him devote his time beside his busy schedule to take time and spendit with people whom he's not familiar with? it's the urgency and of course out of his love towards GOd...

last night i went for a leadership seminar in our church, and our church we have 6outreaches and 4churches send their representatives. over all 124people attended and more will be coming tonight.

it was really an eye opener as ps.Lam explain the current situation, the churches, christians, political, economically and ect. in the 60's, 60% people in sabah were christians, in 80's 40% and now there only 24.3% Christians in Sabah. if we do not stand and awake within 10years there's possibility that christianity will be a history in this state.

it's a sad fact.i dont want to elaborate more on this.maybe next time. as of now it's just really breaking my heart. i was thinking, so what have we done this past 10years?...and i never met youth that willing to gave up their life and dont mind going to jail for Christ sake and the Gospel. i dont know maybe there are, few...

my desire Lord is that thru my life people will be drawn, inspire,encourage to love Christ more than anything, to abandon their life for Christ sake and the Gospel.

so many things i wanted to write one of them is about persecution. it has been in my heart since i was 15 yrs old. The Lord has stir this in my heart long time ago and now it become more clearer and the Holy Spirit have been faithful, giving me understanding on this matter though there are things that im still uncertain.

another random questionsssss....

2009-11-30T00:32:00.000-08:00

Do you like to shop?
hahahaa...yes, this is one of my bad habit...shop..shopp.till you drop..

How often do you go online?
i do not have any internet access at home which is very good:) seldom, only for important stuff..

Something or someone you miss the most from childhood?
ya, something: my rollerblade shoe, someone: few adults that used to look after me when i was smal

Are you usually late, early or right on time?
hahhaha...depend, sometimes too early sometimes too late...

Are you happy with your life for the most part right now?
yeeaahhhh..

You can have one of the following two things: trust/love?
i'll pick love..

If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you go?
israel...

Are you the kind of friend that you would want to have as a friend?
i guess...lolz

Your best friend dies, what would you do?
cry really hard, seek the Lord ask 'why, why' then move on...hehehhe

When and how was the last time you told someone HONESTLY how you felt?
today...im honest to my self mostly everyday and im trying to be honest to everyone about myself and what i feel...

What would be harder for you, to tell someone you love them or that you do not love them back?to tell someone i love 'em

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up on?
cant think of...

Would you give a homeless person CPR if they were dying?
IF i know how to do..yes..unfortunately i cant...

Are you old fashioned?
not too old not to modern....hahhaa..

Which would you choose, true love with a guarantee of a heart break or have never loved before?
have never loved before...

If you could do anything OR wish for anything that would come true, what would you wish?
i wish that i was born in a village with no electricity and internet access...hahahha

Whats your middle name?
griffith

How big is your bed?
big enough for one person o have a good night sleep...

What music are you listening to right now?
What are the last 4 digits in your cellphone number?
0436

What was the last thing you ate?
rice

Who was the last person you hugged?
joanne!!!

How is the weather right now?
just nice:) (but in few hours i know it'll rain again..)

random questionssss...

2009-11-29T23:33:00.000-08:00

Do you remember your favorite teacher?
few...good teachers but not my fav...

Which are your 2 favorite careers and why?
journalist- you can travel and i love to write and hear stories
businesswoman-you can be a boss and a worker at the same time..hehhee..

Which is the hardest thing you ever had to do?
to have faith...

When was the last time you lied and to whom and why?
hahha..last saturday, actually it's not really a lie..it's a surprise for my friend's party so i have to make up some story for her to believe me..hahaha...ok Lord forgive me...

Tell me about something you really regret?
a lot of things but one thing i really regreted is that i was not able to thank her for everything...
as in everything...

Tell me about a mistake you made?
cheque....ggrrrr...i dont want to elaborate more this...nightmare!!..heheheh...

Tell me about someone in your family?
my mum..she's a superwoman, independant, full of wisdom, i've learned to love unconditionally thru her life...

Tell me about your favorite book, magazine or comic?
there are few one of them is the power of prayer...

Tell me about someone you envy?
envy?...hahhaha...ssshhuuu..secret...hahaha

Tell me about something you've achieved?
making a diff in other people's life..it change others in a good way and gave you some fulfillment..

Tell me about the worst punishment you had when you were a child?
i was really a spoiled brat when i was a kid..hahaha...let me see... spank

Tell me about your first kiss (if it is possible)?
first kiss from my parents?

Tell me about someone you really admire?
kathryn kuhlman

Tell me about the last movie you've watched?
ngeee!!..cant remember..i seldom watch movies..i think it's been ages..

Tell me about a country you would like to visit most and why?
any place where the grass is green with beautiful gardens, fountains, birds flying here and there..hahhaa

Tell me about your favourite music / song / band?
IHOP worship team... most of their songs are my prayers and my love song to God

Tell me about something you would happily do again?
to have this awkward conversation with that stranger again..lol

Name your 5 favorite foods?
1.pizza
2.blueberry cheese cake
3.chicken salad
4.nasi lemak
5. rojak!!..yum..yumm
i know all these are unhealthy food..hahhaa...who cares anyway...hehehe

2009-11-27T18:31:00.000-08:00

a young man who interviewed six elderly prayer veterans of the New Hebrides revival said,

"One of them looked at me with fire in his ancient eyes, and he said in a broken brogue,

'if you ever find Him, never, never, never, never let go!"

-tommy tenney, God's favorite house.

forgive and let go

2009-11-26T20:56:00.000-08:00

i ask forgiveness from him, i know he's offended and hurt by my action last year after i told him to move on, get a life and forget about me.though he never told me he's offended but i can see and feel he is,plus i was convicted to approach him and make things right.i dont want only me to move and grow in life, i also want to see him and others to grow in love and in christ. i dont want to be a stumbling block, i dont want because of me he still have this bitterness towards me from what i've told him before. i regretted so much from what i've said to him, i was in 'emotional crisis' at that moment, we were shocked when we knew about my mum's condition at the same time he ask to re-consider and we should continue praying about us (but we have never been in a relationship together before) and i was soooo stressed up i blew it all to him and i know he was hurt from my words.

i know he's not meant for me, i've pray earnestly about a year, seeking God and deep deep down in me i know GOd has a better plan for both of us.so i let him go and rest upon God's promises. the moment i knew he's not the one, every morning without fail i pray this prayer "promise me o women of Jerusalem...that you will not awaken the love until it's time".true enough the Lord kept my heart,he holds it tightly and i am grateful that he owns my heart.

i know it's lame..hahaha..i ask forgiveness thru text msg..we talked and he didnt want to admit at first but i told him whatever it is 'i am sorry'...he replied my message admitting that he was offended when i said those words. he said this "it's easy for you to ask me to move on, to ask God to throw this feeling away and to forget the person that i love so much, it's easy for you to say". and yeah we ended forgiving each other and he told me that he'll still be my friend.we will always be! hehehee..i knew him since i was 12..of course we will always be. it feels great whenever we choose to forgive even when you need to humble yourself and make things right, in the end it's worth it.

those words he wrote strucked my heart. i agree with what he said, it's soooo easy for me to say. so easy for me to say that.not so long ago i fell for this one particular guy..fell really hard. but things didnt went as what i've planned and i've decided that i need to let him go though it hurts, so much. we can never truly understand one's sorrow unless we walk thru the same road.now i understood my friend's feeling. as time goes by, day by day and faithfully GOd heal this wounds and mend this broken heart because He is God, He is God. he owned this heart, he knows how to fix it even when im the one who breaks it.Jesus, his name brings healing to those who call upon Him.

holiday season...

2009-11-23T22:43:00.000-08:00

merry christmas!!!!...hehehhe..i wish i can say that with full of excitement and joy...hahhaa...

seriously, i really cant feel 'christmas'...i dont know why, im not sad or excited about it...i just noticed everyone cant wait for christmas, hmmmm...what do you want to do sheila on this holiday season? let me see...i wish i can go up, up to the mountain or somewhere quiet, where i can be alone and pray...hahhaa...ok that sound soo spiritual...hahhaa... but seriously, if i were to be honest with my heart..that's my answer, spiritual as it may sound but that's what my heart wants.

maybe im not too excited welcoming christmas and holiday season is because my dad and 3sisters is not here with me and this is the first time for 20yrs of my life i'll be celebrating christmas without my mom..

shopping?eating?sleeping? laughter?dance? family gathering? sounds good..
hhhmmmm...i want to spend as much time possible to sit still in God's presence and fellowship with him. it's not something that i force myself to do, it's something that i want to do, i crave and desire to spend as much time possible, to be mesmerize by His Word and captivate by his unfailing love..

this past few weeks the Holy Spirit has been working tremendously in my life, and revealing things.i am humbled and sweetly broken by the work of the Holy Spirit. this process is much harder than i thought but God always reminds me that His grace is sufficient for me... all i need is Him, when i tell myself this truth that all i need is Him, it brought such great joy and comfort to my soul. "He is enough sheila, His grace is sufficient for thee" is the word that rings thru my heart and ear constantly.

Camping!!!!

2009-11-22T16:41:00.000-08:00

yes, we have this 3days and 2nights children's camp, starting today.i will only be joining tonight after work...going to do puppet skit and tomorrow going to lead the worship..you go ahead of us Holy Spirit:)...

my beloved...

2009-11-20T18:22:00.001-08:00

why i can take my eyes out of you Lord?...
i am lovesick. i am lovesick.
as the writer of songs of solomon desire for
his beloved so my soul longs for thee..
hehehee...i love you Lord...i love you Lord...
i was truly made to worship you..
i was made to love you...

random stuff from my crazy thoughts

2009-11-18T00:46:00.000-08:00

are we CHRISTIAN meant to live a 'happy life', are we meant only to fellowship in our gated community?just to enjoy the fellowship within our own people, within our boundaries, are we designed by God just to go with the flow of the world? are we meant just to live life?

i observed that many christian tried to avoid conflicts and especially persecution. and it makes me sick! i've heard Christian leaders said this "you can evangalize to anyone just dont get near muslim people, you'll ended up in jail"... so what?!... so what?!..im sick and tired when christian try to play safe...try to avoid persecution...i wanna cry, in fact i did cry many times..i cried about myself, why do i corrupt my mind together with those who are afraid of sharing the suffering of Christ.

Souls Behind the walls

2009-11-16T17:20:00.001-08:00

One of the local archbishops and one of the great scholars in Argentina said this,

“I have spent my whole life in the church; I know the church inside out. I have studied the doctrines of the church; and I have studied the structures and the history of the church through the ages. But it was when I visited that prison that I encountered the living church. I saw the church alive in the love of the volunteers caring for those sick prisoners in the name of Christ.”

Yesterday my friend Grace called me up asking for more bible for the inmates, she visited the women side and told me that they were looking for me, they asked her when will I go to prison and visit them again. That really touched my heart. Actually I miss them a lot, they are constantly in my thoughts and heart though I do not know them very well it’s the blood of Christ that brought us together.

Like what our Sabah Prison Director would say, ‘when we go visit the prison we thought we are going to bring Christ inside the wall but actually we are visiting Christ”

Hebrew 13:3
Remember those in prison, as if you were there yourself.

Remember also those being mistreated,

as if you felt their pain in your own bodies.

Matthew 25:43-45
43I was a stranger, but you did not welcome me,

and I was naked, but you did not give me any clothes to wear.

I was sick and in jail, but you did not take care of me."
44Then the people will ask,

"Lord, when did we fail to help you when you were hungry

or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in jail?"
45The king will say to them,

"Whenever you failed to help any of my people,

no matter how unimportant they seemed, you failed to do it for me."

Some people say that it must be our calling to go behind the walls. But I don’t think so, I mean it was not stated that we must be called first to visit those who are in prison. Well, I don’t want to elaborate more on this subject; I don’t want to judge either.

One thing i know for sure,God’s heart is always for these people, the least, the weak and helpless. Whether they are in prison because they were treated unfairly or plainly because it’s their fault, whatever it is Jesus also died for them. Criminal, the least of the community. I always believe if we do have real passion for Christ we will have genuine compassion for the lost, though maybe we are not called ‘full time’ in this prison ministry but it is rewarding and fulfilling if we spend our time visiting those who are behind walls.

it's been a year im in this ministry,I went in few times. Second after second, minutes reached hours and every moment I'm with them I felt God’s presence and there is peace. i can see the reality of Christ, His love and compassion. I was so humbled whenever I’m with them because i am also like them, a sinner, condemed, unclean and the difference is they got caught of their sin and im not but im still a sinner saved by grace. I can’t help the tears flowing down my cheek; it’s not the tears of sadness but tears of thankfulness. i can imagined myself in there and how God redeemed me, how He paid the price, his unconditional love towards me that took my soul away from death and eternal condemnation. whether we are prisoner or free man, if one soul owned by Christ, that soul can taste genuine freedom compared those who walk freely outside without Christ in their stricken soul.

I have this desire to serve these prisoner when I was a teenager and I prayed for 2years, crying out to God that I want to serve prisoner, somehow, somewhere I can comprehend their suffering. God always work in mysterious ways, I was hired to work with one of our church member and he was also a member of prison ministry and was promoted this year to be one of the Directors for Prison fellowship Asia. I’m looking forward to visit the inmates this coming 28th of Nov. yay! Thank you Lord

“God’s love is always expressed most powerfully amid the ruins of human existence. The strength of His love brings life amid weakness and decay. The living church is always a church that embraces the weak, the feeble and the incompetent. The Gospel truth is the resurrection of a dead man, Jesus. This is evidenced wherever and whenever His love and life is poured out through His people caring for others in the decaying, forgotten ruins of humanity. This is the church of the resurrection. This is the living church!”

By Ronald W.Nikkel

DELETE...

2009-11-13T19:59:00.000-08:00

hmmm...im going to delete my FB account this monday...i already deleted my friendster account and others. i just felt i need to take a break from social networking. im going to elaborate more soon, the reason why i choose to to delete all my account... but as of now, i have to say BYE BYE:)...

taaa daaa!!! :)

2009-11-13T19:24:00.000-08:00

i also found this 2books...hahhaa...this was our youth camp official book for 2005 and 2007, each camper will received this unique book, fillef with quizzes, Q&A, do's and dont, all the thing they need to know for that camp and the best part is...me and my youngest sister, both of us desinged this book. hahaha...i love to work with my sister in term of designing stuff.i really miss designing things.. hmmmm...reminds me of the good old days...the memories, laughter, my friends etc...

new journal

2009-11-13T19:16:00.000-08:00

thank u Lord..hehehee..i dont have to buy a new journal...i remember someone gave me one from last year christmas gift..yeah! i can save my money...hhahahaa...here's the journal..i love it...i really dont remember i have this journal..seriously, not until the Lord reminded me. i have to open up my boxes and all the old stuff...just to find this thing..hehehe..

2009-11-09T19:41:00.000-08:00

After hearing the news that my friend (she’s more like my youngest sister) her mum passed away last Monday. To be honest I was perplexed and disappointed. I truly understand what she went through, every moment, every minute. The fear, the hurt, the pain, all the ‘Whys’, regrets ect.

Her father passed away when she was just a kid, leaving her with her mum alone in this place. Now she’s an orphan. She told one of our friends that she has nothing and no one anymore in this life.

Is life unfair? YES, life is unfair! Do I blame God for this situation?honestly, NO but I did asked Him why.

I went to my room Monday night, as usual to pray. I was exhausted emotionally and mentally. The first thing I said is “why, Lord”. I’m not a holy person I am just a human being, I was just totally disappointed, and being transparent with God is always the best thing.

Since earlier this year I faced the death of my close friend then death of our family friend then death of my mum then people who I knew very well and others.

Yes, life is unfair, injustice are everywhere, while the rich lavish themselves with riches and pleasure, the poor died from starving. While many mock their parents, others have to crave for mother’s love. Though there are things that we can find the answer others do not have, like death.

Whatever it is, all the above cannot change the fact that my God is still GOD. It will not change the magnitude and greatness of my God.

It’s a great comfort when I was confronted in my room that night with this truth. That God is still Sovereign.

Hebrew 13:8Jesus Christ is the same yesterday and today and forever.

It’s not something that I just profess because I am a Christian. No, I experience God and His faithfulness in my life, though I still have many question marks over my thoughts but still it cannot change the fact.

As for my situation, I don’t know why God took my mum away though miracle is still in existence. I have no specific answer for that but then again, as I’ve said. It can’t change the reality of who God is in MY LIFE.

NOTHING can change the fact Sheila! The fact that my God is sovereign that everything works for good to those who LOVE HIM, that my God is YHWH. HE is enough to answer my life's questions. His personality, character, His names, He himself is enough to answer all the why's and question mark.. though the answer doesnt fit my understanding and human perspective but He is enough, He is above all. He is larger than my heart and life itself. His ways and thoughts are beyond mine.

As for my friend. I’m not sure whether she is saved but I’m praying that she’ll have a personal encounter with God. Though darkness overwhelm her, I’m praying that she will find the Light of the world. Even when death breaks her but Life will abound. Praying that in this lowest point of her life let it become the turning point of her life.

When everything falls apart and fail, will you be found faithful?
Praising God in good season. well, everyone can do it.
Praising God in the midst of suffering and loosing someone is tough…
I’ve learned the hard ways and am still learning and I found that God is faithful.
I’ve learn this, that I don’t need a “good, logical reason that fits/please my brain and emotion” to praise God.
Praise Him even when everything’s collide and confusion overwhelm,
praise Him even when you do not have the answer because God is still a Sovereign GOD.

I went out from my room that night not knowing the answer but I ended up rejoicing in the God of my salvation. And yeah, I still don’t have the answer…I think I don’t need it. I guess…hmmmm….

This is such a beautiful prayer offered by Habakkuk..

Habakkuk 317
Though the fig tree does not bud
and there is no fruit on the vines,
though the olive crop failsand the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
18 yet I will triumph in the LORD;
I will rejoice in the God of my salvation!
19 YHWH my Lord is my strength;
He makes my feet like those of a deer
and enables me to walk on mountain heights!

yesterday and today

2009-11-09T19:38:00.000-08:00

Yesterday i wept bitterly,
Today I rejoice exceedingly.
Yesterday was winter, cold and dark,
Today is spring time with the birds on the park.
Yesterday i saw the the leaves fade away,
Today i see it bloom, dance and sway.
Yesterday was busy friday

Today is saturday, beautiful saturday.
Yesterday I lay down on the street with ashes and sorrow,
Today I dance in the rain like there's no tomorrow.
Yesterday we were acquaintances,
Today he’s a memoryA bittersweet memory...

journal...

2009-10-29T19:12:00.000-07:00

i love to write though my english is not that OK...hahhaa..but who cares!..hehehhe... i just finished my journal and wanted to buy a new one...i just dont have time to choose right now...but anyways, here some of my journal..since 2005 and present... actually there are more but i dont know where's the rest...hehhee...i manage to find these 3. Writing is something im passionate about but one thing that i hate about myself is, i always, always write/do things halfway...always..sometimes i have to kick my butt, froced myself to finish what i have started. hehee...it's one way also for me to release my stress, anger, dissapointments, excitements and others...i have to say, though i have my own blog i do still write in my journal constantly...it holds my deepest secret, desire and thoughts only me and GOd knows it..hehhee...

Let the tears flow...

2009-10-23T20:23:00.000-07:00

(no, im not in EMO mode :P, i found this article in my antique journal, back in 2005...just want to share this with those who went thru what i have experienced)

Mrs. Kwan said apologetically, “she doesn’t want to see anybody; she’s been in her room the whole day.” “I know, I understand.” Said the Pastor “But I do want to see her”
“It’s ok mum”, Julie said, appearing at the doorway by keeping her distance, not looking in his direction, with her head bowed low.

“You’re okay? Really okay?” he asked.“NO!” and she broke down.
He didn’t want to ask her about her ordeal molested while on her jog.

“I don’t know how to carry on with my life. I can’t even think straight. I’m so ashamed. What will people think? That I’m unclean? Sometimes I feel I want to die…”

The Pastor let Julie continue. He let her cry. He didn’t try to stop her. She shook visibly, and he didn’t do anything. In his mind he encourage her to grieve. He just looked on with sympathy, with understanding and with compassion.After a while there was silence. Nobody spoke.

Then the Pastor said quietly, “it’s ok, just let it out. Cry out to God, Julie. It’s good to cry out. God is compassionate. His Name bring healing.”

Grieving usually goes a full circle. Julie has to come to terms with herself, and get back to life- to see living as worthwhile. Time heals almost everything. Grieving is our natural way of reacting to a tragic event, a loss or the pain in our lives. It is unnatural not to grieve and if we feel like crying, we should let the tears flow.

In quietude Julie can pray, knowing that “The Lord is near to the broken hearted and saved those who are crushed in spirit.”

The Jews know what it means to grieve. They went through the holocaust were millions were put to death. They find strength in their ancient wisdom,
“The falls of life provide us with energy to propel ourselves to a higher level…”
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( i found this somewhere, i remember writing this poem in a card for a family that suffer loss and i never thought that this same poem will come back to me few years later)

He only takes the best

God saw she was getting tired
And a cure was not to be.
So He put His arms around her
And whispered, “Come home with me”.
With tear filled eyes we watch her
Suffer and fade away.
Although we loved her deeply,
We could not make her stay.
A golden heart stops beating,
Hard working hands put to rest.
God broke our hearts to prove us
He only takes the best
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something from my heart...

It’s been 84 days since the day she’s gone,Funny, sometimes i felt that she's around, that my mom just went for her monthly medical check up.

There's this one day where i gathered all my strength, went to her room , open her wardrobe and there are few of her clothes left hanging (the rest we have given away),re-calling the bones of yesterday..i touched it and somehow i felt she's near but reality slap me in the face knowing she's gone for good.Let the tears flow, i told myself and i did…taking my time to grieve in that room and I can feel God’s presence knowing that

Psalm 34:18 (NLT)18 The LORD is close to the brokenhearted;he rescues those whose spirits are crushed.

We can never comprehend one’s sorrow until we walk through the same road.I never thought that God will use this painful moment to bring me to a place of deeper intimacy with Him
(a place where i never been in my walk with God but it's a place where i always want to be)..though I’ve lost someone that is dear to my heart but I gained something more priceless that is having this privilege to know MORE of God personally in the lowest point of my life…

And you know what’s amazing about my God?Have you ever thought where would all the tears that you have shed gone, while grieving?

Psalm 56:8 (NLT)8 You keep track of all my sorrows.[a]You have collected all my tears in your bottle.You have recorded each one in your book.

Jesus never promised life would be easy especially when you decided to walk with Him, but He did promised this to all who follow Him

Matthew 28:20 (Amplified)…. and behold, I am with you all the days (perpetually, uniformly, and on every occasion), to the [very] close and consummation of the age…

though death has tarnish part of my life story but it will not remain that way forever because God will surely make something good out of it. there are time for everything under heaven, right?

Ecclesiastes 3 (NLT)
A Time for Everything

1 For everything there is a season,a time for every activity under heaven.
2 A time to be born and a time to die.A time to plant and a time to harvest.
3 A time to kill and a time to heal.A time to tear down and a time to build up.
4 A time to cry and a time to laugh.A time to grieve and a time to dance.
5 A time to scatter stones and a time to gather stones.A time to embrace and a time to turn away.
6 A time to search and a time to quit searching.A time to keep and a time to throw away.
7 A time to tear and a time to mend.A time to be quiet and a time to speak.
8 A time to love and a time to hate.A time for war and a time for peace.
11 Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart…

hhhmmmm :)...looking back, i can say that through it all GOD has been FAITHFUL to me and my family...

two things..

2009-10-14T22:10:00.000-07:00

There are 2 things that the Lord has
spoken to me personally, lately.
First it’s about intimacy…the Lord expose the truth and brought me into a place of intimacy.
I thought I knew the Lord well but there are so many things I didn’t know or understand much of His Nature, personal being and His character

Second, a heart for the poor, widows, prisoners, oppressed and those who are in need and afflicted.
A great man of God says this; if you have passion for Christ automatically you’ll have compassion for other/the lost. This two comes in a package, inseparable…

Past few months I was so excited and overwhelmed with what I’ve been experiencing
(mostly because of this intimacy with God that I experienced)
and I cant wait to DO something for God, hehehe..
I was moved to tell my leaders and people who are in-charge that I am free and available to do anything or in other word, to serve in ministry... the leaders were pretty excited but then nothing happened ..hahhaa.
It’s not their fault anyways...it was funny, I have to say but at that time I asked God, “Lord, it seems like nothing is moving, everything’s freeze” I’m trying to understand what God is trying to say in this situation.

Day and night my heart cries out “I want to know You more”…without rest, my whole being seems to wear me off with this cry… “I want more of God, I want to know more of God”… so finally I gave up and listen to what my soul been craving for instead of what I want to do… it’s just simple…I WANT TO KNOW GOD!... that’s it…
why?...because for the past few months, my soul has tasted eternity, my soul has reach this point where she has kissed the Spirit of God and after being filled and satisfied, as usual, the flesh try to drag and distract me back…
and it was like yesterday that I laughed at myself and smile at God,, “I get it Lord, now I get it’
He just want me to sit still, do nothing at this moment and just get to know Him, MORE..MORE…

it’s been tremendous this past few months knowing God personally, I mean it’s so cool that God Himself gave you the understanding to know HIS true self… Mary chose the best part that is to sit still on Jesus’ feet. I thought I knew it all of who my God is, many times I felt I want to explode with this joy of knowing Him…hehehhe.. seriously and people noticed that I’m in constant joy:)hehehe... I was satisfied and fail to remind myself that My GOD is bigger than this, there is more to what I’ve been receiving from Him, that He is more beautiful than I can imagine, and actually it will take me a lifetime to know Him, it’s a journey…

Paul washer said this “everyone wants to do something, it’s not about doing something, it’s about being something, being conform into the image of Christ, someone who lives in the presence of God”

I’m used to DO something for God since I was 14, running here and there, do this do that. There are times for everything right? A time to be busy, a time to keep quiet..hehehe.. maybe some may not agree with what I’ve written (just guessing)hehehe…
but at this point I am fully convinced and persuaded that this is what I’m going to do..
To pull myself out from every unnecessary task and devote myself in knowing this Uncreated Deity, The God of Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. To BE STILL and KNOW that HE is GOD...

Psalm 27:4…(Amplified Bible)
4One thing have I asked of the Lord, that will I seek, inquire for, and [insistently] require: that I may dwell in the house of the Lord [in His presence] all the days of my life, to behold and gaze upon the beauty [the sweet attractiveness and the delightful loveliness] of the Lord and to meditate, consider, and inquire in His temple.(A

8You have said, Seek My face [inquire for and require My presence as your vital need]. My heart says to You, Your face (Your presence), Lord, will I seek, inquire for, and require [of necessity and on the authority of Your Word].

In NLT version
4 The one thing I ask of the Lord— the thing I seek most— is to live in the house of the Lord all the days of my life, delighting in the Lord’s perfections and meditating in his Temple.

8 My heart has heard you say, “Come and talk with me.” And my heart responds, “Lord, I am coming.”

After reading this scripture in my working place, I went to the toilet and cried; this is what I’ve been yearning for, HIM…

I don’t want to be a person who serves a God I don’t even know… that’s sad I have to say… i, personally believe that in order for us, christian to bring an impact to this world is to touch the heart of God, not just touch but soak ourself in His Word and in prayer.what's the use of running around like Martha when Jesus said Mary chose the best part…

Hosea 4:6a (NLT)
6 My people are being destroyed because they don’t know me.

...

2009-10-04T17:28:00.000-07:00

im sick...arrrrggghhh....fever and running nose... :(

is there mercy?

2009-10-02T18:59:00.000-07:00

is there mercy for us?...is there mercy for us O God?
as my people brace themselves for another typhoon that is coming up,
(they expected tonight)
im asking you Lord, is there mercy for us?

when i heard the news that another typhoon is going to hit phillipine,
it broke my heart, though i was not born and grew up in that place but i was burdened to pray for my people, my blood..

is there mercy for us?..i know we have sinned against you Lord, over and over and over again, we missused Nour Name, Blesphemed Your Name, we brought lower the standard of Jesus,
with bribery, sexual immorality, idolatry, gossiping, oppressing the poor and shut our ears to the cries of the needy and lost.

my toungue is numb and im speechless, but Lord, you are the God who keeps your promises.
from generation to generation. I am here God, praying for my people, and when you hear, FORGIVE... and pardon this land.
After hearing this news i went straight to my room and cry for mercy, who knows that God might change His mind. This morning i read an article concerning this topic and i read all the comments made by filipinos, one catches my attention "if we believe miracle will happen", i agree to some extent but also, it is written in His word that when we sin against Him He will not hear our prayer, our sins become the stumbling block.

Stir the hearts of your saints in every area in the phillipines to stand in the gap, interceeding for this land that there'll be no more death and destruction instead repentance.

2Chronicles 7:13
if my people, who are called by my name, will humble themselves and pray and seek my face and turn from their wicked ways, then will I hear from heaven and will forgive their sin and will heal their land.

where death is present, life will abound...life will abound...

http://www.christianpost.com/article/20091002/aid-agencies-standby-as-filipinos-brace-another-typhoon/index.html

things running thru my mind.....bla..bla..bla..

2009-09-27T22:20:00.000-07:00

hhhmmmmm...it's been few days, weeks i think i havent posted anything...
well nothing significance happen to me lately except that im always overwhelmed by God's love:)
haha...arrrggghh...i cant think of anything to talk about..maybe because i need to get enough sleep that the inspiration will come...lol...(another excuse to get enough sleep..lol) o ya, guess what while praying for 3 days i manage to compose 3songs..that's unbelieveable, i mean like..im not a singer nor am i a composer or lyricist. im just a worshipper who loves her God..that's all... but thru the inspiration of the holy spirit, we manage to finish 3songs in 3days.. i'll post it here as soon as im finish with it..hehehhe...i dont know if it's sounds good in your ear but yeah..who cares...hhahhahaa...it held such a deep meaning for me...bc it's something that i wrote for God from my heart...hehehe....

101 myth in worship leading....

2009-09-17T20:00:00.000-07:00

hehehe...this is funny but TRUE:)..i copied this from my friend and hope you'll be blessed:)
1. If I don't know the song I can't worship!
2. A Chris Tomlin song has to be played every Sunday otherwise worship does not happen.
3. Taylor Guitars are the only guitars endorsed by God for true worship.
4. If the tempo is dragging or rushing, it's ALWAYS the drummer's fault.
5. Songs need to be slow to create an atmosphere of worship.
6. You should always talk and adlib as much as possible, because everyone knows that you can't usher in the presence of God by just being quiet and obedient.
7. That worship music is a specific "genre".
8. Being a great musician probably makes you a great Worship Leader.
9. Being a great singer means you are a great worship leader.
10. Worship Leaders spend their days sitting in their office strumming a Taylor and communing with God.
11. The lyrics are so inspiring, they'll sing along even if they don't like the music.
12. You're lazy if your worship is spontaneous.
13. Worship leaders only work about 10 hours a week.
14. Worship leaders only need to show up on Sunday morning, everything else can be delegated. 15. It's all about "THE MUSIC"!
16. You're not truly worshipping if you don't stand still, wear a tight suit, sing from a hymn book at an octave too high to be comfortable.
17. Worship leaders have an extensive background of religion and music training.
18. If the Words are on a screen, more people will sing!
19. All of us need to play all of the time or the worship stops!
20. Everyone in the congregation listens to the local Christian radio station, so we have to play the songs that are popular on that station right now.
21. It takes perfect people performing perfectly to lead others into Father's presence.
22. "Praise" = fast music, "Worship" = slow music.
23. True worship can only be attained using skilled professional musicians and vocalists who rarely make mistakes.
24. If the devil is in the church, he's in the sound system.
25. It's always easier when the Senior Pastor suggests songs.
26. That each worship song has to last at least ten minutes.
27. If you don't repeat the same lyrics 150 times the congregation just won't get the message.
28. Matching Clothes, Matching Smiles, Matching Movements Helps the congregation Enter in to WORSHIP and lends to a better 'Atmosphere'.
29. You have to start with fast lively "praise" music and bring it down to slower "worship" music to get everyone in the mood for the sermon.
30. Distorted guitars have no place in the church.
31. Neither do drummers.
32. Guitars need to be loud to 'feel right'.
33. If you remind the singers nicely about not pointing their mics at the monitors, they'll actually pay attention.
34. If you request that the mic stands go away, since the words are on the enormous screen on the back wall, the singers will actually pay attention.
35. Talking into a mic is a good enough way to check your levels.
36. Every song has to have a blazing guitar solo for the 'emotional impact'.
37. The music *written* is the ONLY way to sing a song.
38. Bass guitar has to be 'static' and just thump out the root of the chords.
39. Bass guitar has to walk all over every song, no matter how much of a detractor it is to the worship experience. 40. Your team must all stand in place.
41. When you raise your hands to God in praise, you are doing it because it's written in the music.
42. You can please all your parishioners.
43. Translating Western Hymn books is how we teach developing world converts how to worship.
44. We need a worship band to lead worship.
45. It is not worship if we do not have music.
46. "I can't worship to THAT music."
47. Only hymns are anointed.
48. Only modern music is anointed.
49. Hymns are only anointed if they are "modernized."
50. Leading worship is easy to pick up.
51. You have to play an instrument to lead worship.
52. It's a part time ministry and you have loads of spare time.
53. It's somehow superior to other ministries.
54. All worship leaders know what their doing.
55. if we make a mistake in the middle of worship, we just kill the anointing right then and there, and might as well go home.
56. Worship leading is not a gift; anyone with a guitar(keyboard) can do it.
57. Worship leaders do not need to be paid; they can live off their love of music.
58. Times of worship are not as important at the sermon; a token song or two will suffice.
59. I'm singing a song from my heart to God into a microphone, therefore it's okay that I suck. 60. Worship depends on how I (the leader) am feeling.
61. All singers (usually 3-4) must always just the melody line to get people to sing along.
62. All singers must find a harmony part to compliment the lead singer in the song
63. God only likes music in G-shape.
64. Every single vocalist needs to be heard from the back of the room, loud and clear.
65. Professional worship leaders (recording artists) are best qualified to teach us about or write books about how to lead worship.
66. Worship just happens!
67. Worship is secondary to good preaching.
68. Hours must be spent in preparation.
69. Good worship leaders are born not made.
70. The worship of traditional denominations is dead.
71. Contemporary rock worship is of the devil.
72. Only men can lead worship.
73. Before Christ no one worshiped the living God.
74. True worshippers are most expressive.
75. There has to be music to have worship.
76. You have to be a good singer to be a good worship leader.
77. Tone=Volume.
78. If you use an amp your priorities are wrong.
79. Anyone can walk into practice and perform with the team the following Sunday.
80. You can always use more singers.
81. Anyone who can sing can lead worship.
82. Worship leaders only listen to worship music.
83. Speeding up the tempo makes the song better.
84. Playing power chords and "chugging" make a song more modern.
85. A Bass Player cannot lead Worship.
86. Any anointed female lead worship singer has to be blond, gorgeous and has bluebirds tweeting about her head when she sings.
87. Worship has to be vocal music - the instruments are just accompaniment.
88. Worship begins when the music starts and ends when the music stops.
89. The worship band has to play the music exactly as it is on CD (even if that means trying to emulate a 100 piece orchestra) or the song cannot be used.
90. Leading Worship (or being in the worship band) means I get to play all my favorite songs!
91. All worship leaders have to play guitar and sing lead (usually acoustic guitar) or maybe keys. 92. Guitarists are cheating if they use a capo.
93. Worship leaders must always have their eyes closed.
94. Worship leaders must always have their eyes open.
95. Your worship team practices as much as you do.
96. Everyone in the team can transpose in their head.
97. You can’t be in the worship team if you’re over 60.
98. You can’t be in the worship team if you’re under 16.
99. If a song works well in practice it will work well during the service.
100. Worship leaders love being spontaneously asked to play specific songs during the service. 101. It was the sound guy's fault - oh wait, that one's true!

His Love is INTENSE, INTOXICATING, PASSIONATE,POWERFUL and PURE

2009-09-17T19:58:00.000-07:00

Song of Songs 8:6,7

Set me as a seal upon your heart,
As a seal upon your arm;
For love is as strong death,
Jealousy as cruel as the grave;
It’s flames are flames of fire,
A most vehement flame.

Many waters cannot quench love,
Nor can the floods drown it.

God’s love is intense for us..
Even though I have been a Christian since I was young
I tend to embrace this half truth about God’s love.
His love is shallow and seasonal.
His love, well it depends on God’s mood.
His love…ermmm…sometimes it can grow cold.
Like a husband loves his wife
Like a sister loves his brother
A boyfriend girlfriend relationship.
I just realize how ignorant I am
I know His love is more than that but I cannot grasp…

We can grow cold, and many times our ‘feeling’ towards our spouse and friends can become dull and tasteless that if we human being do not do something about our relationship it will end up in divorce and separation…you have to WORK it out in your relationship

But God’s love, we don’t have to ‘work’ out something in order for him to love us.
He loved us even before creation.
Even before I was conceived in my mother’s womb He saw me in His heart and mind

(I know some of you will say…well, Sheila there’s many definition of love in Hebrew and ect…)And I do apologize if this note is ‘incomplete’ and im not really good at theological all those stuff but as of now I am overly overwhelmed by God’s love…hehehehe

His love is so INTENSE, INTOXICATING, PASSIONATE, EXTREME, POWERFUL that Jesus, He was not sentenced by His father to die for us, HE CHOOSE to lay down His life, HE CHOOSE! What drives Him to die for the ‘unworthy’ me… it’s this undeserved love :)

Im currently reading some of the book in the OT and it was very surprising that He is truly a jealous God, A JEALOUS GOD.He love us deeply that He is jealous whenever we turn our heart to other lovers...God in His great mercy and love will do whatever it takes to win back the heart of His beloved…He is a jealous God. He didn’t do all these to gain anything from us (by the way, what do we have? we are poor, helpless, and naked before God took us in His care) instead He wanted to lavish us His love and abundance blessing and I love the fact that He will not relent, give up, idle, stay rest until He own our wicked and deceitful heart… He wanted to make it new. I love it!

NO wonder Abraham willing to lay down his son,
Because God’s love is INTENSE, INTOXICATING, PASSIONATE, POWERFUL and PURE.
No wonder David dance like a madman before God and his people,
Because God’s love is INTENSE, INTOXICATING, PASSIONATE, POWERFUL and PURE.
No wonder Peter didn’t hang himself after he denied Christ 3times
Because God’s love is INTENSE, INTOXICATING, PASSIONATE, POWERFUL and PURE.

Songs of Solomon best describes it : )
It’s one of my all time favorite book, it was this book that unveil my eyes and spirit to a new level of relationship with God, deeper intimacy.
I am blown away with this truth that He is a jealous God and His love is intense for us.
I am privileged that in this temporal life I met eternity, an everlasting God.
I am privileged to be loved by God who is jealous and His love towards me is intense.
I am, we are His prize possession :)

Song of Songs 2

He brought me to the banqueting house,
And His banner over me was love.
Sustain me with cakes of raisins,
Refresh me with apples,
For I am lovesick

His left hand is under my head,
And His right hand embraces me

random..random...random...

2009-09-10T21:37:00.000-07:00

random stuff about me:)

1. people gave me this word after they get to know me.... wacky...hehhee... i am, but i can be really serious when needed...hehehe...

2. i bought myself a ring:)...a wedding ring...hahhaaa...it's a reminder for me that i am His possesion, His beloved:)..

3. breakfast-i used my hand to eat (biscuits, bread ect)... lunch- i used chopstick... dinner i used spoon and fork....hmmmmmm...i just realized that...

4.i walk fast...i mean i can walk really fast...so far no one can beat me!..hahhaha

5.i hate typical,shallow, monotonos kind of life...i do not want to rest in one place...i believe there is MORE to life:)

6.i've been falsely accused few times for having an affair with people's husband..and the funny thing is some i dont even know their husband and the rest, i dont even talk...weirdo:P...

7.i love Chocolate...with nuts:)..to be honest i love to eat!:)...yum yum...

8. i have 3amazing sisters...love 'em!

9.i am analytical..i analyze stuff...i think and think..think deep...and love being curious

10.im not a movie lover but im a book freak:)

11.i love fashion but i believe in modesty...i find it funny girls who profess themself Christian and wearing half naked clothe..hahhaha...

12. i love heels, but i hate wearing them...makes me feel SUPER tall...ggrrrrr.....hehehhee

13.i like to look at my feet while walking..hehehe...